There are three things that I am sure about at, and I cannot deny the fact that it is real.
First, I'm real and every actions that I dictate comes naturally.
Second, the things I've done will forever hunt my walking hours.
Third, this is still me, none of those matters, and everything will never be the same again.
Everyone has their own ups and downs, it just happens that my downfall become the highest peak of my life making me stand in the middle of this room, all eyes were on me, their questioning look makes me uneasy.
I already experience a rocky road, but what I will hear next will be the next roller coaster of my life. Can I make it out again if my past hunts me back? Too bad, that must have been for the best of many people even thou I don't give a damn anymore.
I don't give a damn about anything anymore, I just wanna satisfies the cravings that I am looking for. The fuck about them, I'll do what the fuck I want and no one will fucking stand against me.
This is me, the non-existent, cold fucking killer.
- Lucky
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My head hurts, like I've been pulled 10000 meters below sea level, making my ears ring in sensitivity, even my lungs are tired from loss of air to breath, it was like my tracts have been busted for reasons, my heart is barely pumping.
All I could say is that my surrounding was blurry, everything was in chaos, I can hear panicked shouting and the police siren, or maybe it was the Secret Service; that had been eyeing this place for years before I even came here, busting through the automated doors.
I can't feel my body at all maybe it was because of the new drug that was tested on me before the laboratory blows up, all I know was someone was carrying me out of that darkness. That darkness that makes me someone whom I am not, someone whom I loathed and hated for, but, what can I do?
I'm lost. I lost. I'm at loss. Furthermore, I'm losing it. Every second we spend down there was like a living hell, but what can I do? What can I do to keep them safe? What did I do? Why can't I save them? What have I done?
When nothing is enough, and everything is too much, I felt that it was the only way to make it up, to keep them safe, and yet I lost. Reminding me that I already lost that moment.
I already lost when I took the gun.
I already lost when I take the shot.
I already lost the moment my body respond to their experiments.
I already lost the moment I enter that place with a big smile on my lips.
I already lost when I trusted someone who was unworthy of it.
I already lost the time I was born with this conflict.
And I keep on losing every time I follow their orders to kill for them.
My consciousness slowly slumber in the deep darkness as my body loose over the drugs I had.
Maybe this was the payment, my payment for being a monster for them.
If only I would be given one more chance, to atone for my sins, or even one last chance to say sorry. I'm sorry guys, I couldn't save you. I'll be there where you guys are, oh, who am I kidding, I'm a monster that needs to rot in hell. While they were the innocent angel whom I killed. I'm sorry guys for being weak.
"Miss, are you okay? Hang in there. You'll be fine" it calms me when I heard a soft voice calling me from my dark reverie. Her voice was like a ringing of church bell that I used to here back home. Like
Something inside me was hopeful that at last I'll be out of that hell where I've been stuck for years. I'm not counting, the more I count, the more it feels like eternity. Will I be free now? What should I do if ever I survived this?
"Medic!! Here! Her pulse is weak!" her paced quickened, she was carrying me with care, trembling and worried. When was the last time that someone was worried about me.
"There were at least a hundred dead bodies inside, not counted those who were inside the incubators with apparatus" someone said when a light touched my close eyelids. They must have disregarded the thought of burning the bodies one by one, blowing this place up must have been the only choice left, it made me smirk knowing that someone out there can shake them like this. Not having enough time to do some clean-up.
"What kind of monster are they?"
"Where did you found her? Most of the ones left were dead bodies, their estimated death time was 10 minutes before we blow this place up plus the fact that all data and files were burned and stripped, damn them."
"I found her in one of the cells in the underground rooms. She's barely breathing-"
Before I could open my eyes, something cold metallic touched my arms making me hazy and had a total darkness.
