I'm in love with you, Max Mayfield.

Chapter 1

"Why do you treat me like garbage."

El felt the hatred and shame as those words slipped out, though those feelings were not directed to the person she was speaking to. she felt self-hatred and shame rush down her body everytime she took a glance at the one person she thought about everyday.

Max Mayfield.

El always felt the guilt and how whatever feeling she was having at the moment drop down to the pit of her stomach looking at the redhead. El has noticed, the party has noticed, but she does not have the guts to ever talk to the certain girl about it. Not just because she feels as if this was all her fault but because she feels a strong feeling toward the girl.

-

She was in love with Max. She never felt that type of love towards her ex-boyfriend, Mike. Mike was a special boy to El, just not in that way. The boy and El started to get closer after the incident, them breaking up. Having sleepovers, sight-seeing when she moved to California and he visited, she could feel this way with Mike without having the worries of slip-ups for not perfecting the same feelings to him. She felt full when they were giggling and sharing secrets along with her close step-brother, Will. Even if they were not blood, she might as well consider him as her true brother since they've went through hell and back together. During the visit, of course, these feelings were cut short as always. El relearning how to use her powers and also what happened that day in the lab while her friends and family were getting raided by military and fleeing to utah for help to find the girl. El finding out her friends back home were in danger and ending up back where it all started. Hawkins.

Walking through the halls of Hawkins High School looking for the familiar ginger. She felt her heart stop and a sharp pang of guilt when she saw the red head with the same eye bags but darker. Blasting, I assume, the same music she played 24/7 after the incident. El had to save Max which caused a mind fight between the monster she had once banished and brought all the problems that they were all having in their life, 001. Leading to an anxious, traumatized Max, not like she hasn't been after the first time she was brought in that hell.

-

Her thoughts were cut short from the ginger she was deep inside her thoughts for dragging her to the back of the school building.

"What are you talking about?" she snapped. El would've started crying right there and then if she hadn't have the guilt take over all her feelings.

"You lie."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?!" the redhead spat. El felt her heart shattering piece by piece when the redhead showed any aggressiveness to her. Her once ocean eyed, fiery red haired best friend has been stained with darkness. Her once bright eyes, is as dark as the night sky. The night sky she once watched with the girl she fell in-love with.

"Why do you lie?"

"People just change, okay? I've changed."

"But you don't- you don't love me anymore?" El felt the tears falling down her cheek. The tears were burning her soft skin once caressed with the hand of the loved one.

"Why are we even talking about this?!"

"You never say it!"

"Okay look, i've changed, it's that simple." the redhead continued on, "We were kids El! Plus that was before things went to hell."

Eleven watched as the ginger walked away and started skateboarding. El fell to her knees, her hands covering her eyes and grabbing her hair. she was letting her feelings leaking out of her. This was all her fault. If she hadn't opened the gate, if Lucas never gave Max the offer, if Max never accepted the risk. "I wish I never existed." El let slip out, she was in her feelings until she heard footsteps. "El.." she saw the familiar boy. her brother, Will shaking his head and also having tears slip out.