ONE KISS LESS // PEDRI GONZÁLEZ

004 // last breath

Alright I love this chapter

"What if I finally let go?" I asked as I stuck a cigarette into my mouth. I brought closer the fire, comming from the lighter and felt the smoke going down my throat.

"You need to at sometime, I'm just not quite sure when and how" He tried to help me with my attachment issues with my toxic friend. The years I have wasted on him is unbelievable.

"Do you think me leaving will make it better?" I asked him as I looked up to him. We were sitting on the same bench as last night, he still had his arm around my shoulder and held me close by himself.

There was silence, a lot of silence. I didn't mind. Watching over the city was beautiful enough. I heard how sime of the few birds that was still awake sang sonething. I heard the cars in the distance druving by. I heard airplanes fly over us and I heard the wind going over the city. The longer I looked at it and the more time I spent here the more I fell inlove.

I always felt myself more awake at night then during the day. I loved the nightlife. Just being alone and being in the middle of silence, nobody is annoying us right now. Nobody is walking their dog right now. Nobody is here with their screaming children. Nobody drives by with the car. Nobody is here, to disturb us, looking at into the distance.

I fell inlive with the nightlife and ince you do that you know there is noway of getting out of that. The stress resuces by atleast 90 percent and you don't need to worry about other people watching you.

I'm not scared of the dark. I am scared of the darkness. The darkness isn't just not being able to see whats there but you can't see a single thing. Not where youre gonna end up or where you came from.

Youre the only light in the room of darkness and the more you move around the more you see, the mkre you move arouns the more you recognise where you are and what is where.

The monsters hiding in the dark at night is also just a myth to stop you from moving around. They're used to scaring children so they'll learn it young to not mess around with something they dont know about.

But if you don't know how will you ever find out if you're too scared to even look at it. They don't want you to know. The want you to stay as normal as you are.

So how will I know if leaving the UK will make it better? How do I know that it wont make it worse? So even if I made it worse or better. I can surely survive ut, as I always did. Then I can tell my children storys one day.

On how I moved to Barcelona and sat on a bench with an complete stranger next to me and thought about my whole life.

He was a stranger the other night, yet it feels like i have known him for ages. He acts like I am genuinely important to him. He knows me since about 2 days, yet we feel so close and we trust eachother so much.

I can already tell that he is going to ba an important part of my life. I just don't know which part of my life he will make it. I hope I can keep this friendship as long as possible. Or could there be even more?

"What are you thinking about?" The deep voice disturbing the silence between us.

"Life" I answered shortly without looking at him. "How it'll be in Barcelona"

I heard his breath getting slower and slower. He wasn't sleeping, he was calm.

"It'll be better for sure" He pulled me even closer to himself, my head on his shoulder was getting tired so I lifted it up for a second.

"Do you want my hoodie? Are you cold?" asked Pedri, I didn't even say anything, yet he still was worried about me being cold.

"It's enough if you hold me like this" I didn't directly look at him but I felt him smile next to me.

"Just tell me when you wanna go home" He rubbed my arm that wasn't by his body and I got shivers down my spine.

"How's it with you Pedri?" I asked him. I told him many things about me but I just realised that he didn't really tell me anything about himself.

"There's nothing, my life is boring" mumbled Pedri in disgust. I waited for him to explain, he took a deep breath and then opened his mouth.

"I do nothing, I hate this. I play football, I go on interviews but I can't have any fun. I don't have time for that" He finally explained and I nodded.

"You have to make yourself time" I answered. "Right now if you wouldn't be spending time with me you could go into a club" I gave hin some ideas but he just chuckled.

"Spending time with you is better than going into any club" He said and I turned my look towards those brown eyes. I can't believe that he belongs to absolutely nobody.

"I also heard some rumours about Apricols" I said changing the subject. As he finally turned his head to look at me, his gaze softened as we held eyecontact.

"Oh her," He smiled softly. "My brother also posted it and I wasn't happy about it"

"So, dating?" I asked inhope for him to tell me if there is actually something going on between them.

"No, never. She is nice and a really good friend but I couldn't." answered Pedri.

"I understand. "

"That's good" He said and I threw away the used up cigarette on the floor. "You should finally stop smoking"

"I don't know if I can" I answered honestly.

"What did Garnacho do? To stop you from smoking i mean." asked Pedri and I finally broke the eye contact.

"He kissed me everytime I wanted to smoke. He said this was much better. After some time I even forgot that I used to smoke." I remember the time exactly.

"I understand" he nodded. A small part of me was waiting for him to do sonething but the bigger part knew that there wasn't gonna happen anything.

I inhaled and exhaled the cool air. I was waiting for Barcelona. I was so fucking excited for Barcelona.