imagine - lewis hamilton

part ix

Sunday, May 8, 2022

"congrats"

You stirred around in bed, trying to hide from the Miami sunrise that was creeping through your hotel room curtains to no avail. You started to awake. As you lifted your head, it was throbbing, along with your eyes felt puffy.

When you finally gained the strength to lift your head and open your eyes, it reminded you of why you were feeling this way. On the desk in front of your bed sat your laptop, the screen still on. Your notebooks were slightly scattered around the desk and your backpack was wide open. It looked like the desk of a college student cramming for finals. It may have looked like a normal mess to most, but it wasn't like you. Last night left you drained and defeated.

It was nearing one in the morning, and you couldn't sleep after sending your response to Lewis, so you wrote. Your mind was racing with ideas and thoughts, but you could not type the words. Writing was your escape but, at that moment, it was your biggest obstacle. That frustration had built up inside and was like a dam ready to burst.

You wanted to go back to bed, but you forced yourself to get it. You walked over to the cluttered desk to try and clean things back up. A blank Word document with a blinking cursor stared back at you as you closed the screen. The remnants of anger and despair were clear, but you had no choice but to pull yourself together.

As you looked around your hotel room, your eyes noticed the small coffee maker. You walked over and looked at the limited choices of coffee pods.
Drinking coffee wasn't your thing, but you thought a simple change in your morning routine would help you move in the right direction. You chose a random pod and placed it into the machine before heading to the bathroom to get ready for the day.

When you entered the bathroom and turned on the light, an unrecognizable face greeted you in the mirror. Your once radiant demeanor had vanished. Bloodshot red eyes with dark circles underneath, along with faint creases in your forehead to top it off. You hadn't realized how much weight you had been carrying until it was staring back at you. With a heavy head, you slowly walked to the shower, hoping the hot water would give you some energy.

As you applied your makeup and got dressed, you stared at the person in the mirror. You uttered words of affirmation to yourself, hoping they would boost your confidence, but the words felt empty and forced. You mumbled, "It is what it is," as you took one final look at your reflection in the mirror. You sighed and turned off the bathroom light, feeling disappointed in yourself for not being able to believe your own words.

You walked over to the cup of coffee you had brewed earlier. With one sip, the familiar bitterness reminded you that you still hated coffee. You wondered if it was because you forgot to add creamer or maybe because you had brushed your teeth. Regardless of the reasons, it only added to your growing frustration this morning. However, you kept drinking, as if trying to force yourself to like it, just like you were trying to force yourself to feel confident.

You moved around your hotel room with coffee in hand, gathering your essentials for the day. You triple-checked your bags, making sure you had everything you needed before leaving. As you grabbed the doorknob, you took a deep breath, realizing that just changing your routine wouldn't magically change your situation as you hoped. You couldn't change your circumstances overnight, but you also knew that you couldn't keep wallowing in self-pity. You knew it wouldn't be easy, but you had to be willing to take small steps toward your goals. It meant facing your own doubts and fears along the way, but you had to continue. It was up to you to make positive changes in your life, and that dwelling on negativity would only hold you back. You control your own destiny.