𝕴𝖓𝖒𝖔𝖗𝖙𝖆𝖑 𝖘𝖍𝖊

9- therapy session

Since Calisto said a lot of things about me and Vladimir that no one was supposed to know, now many soldiers look at me with a pity or sad face because of my rough childhood. It's a little uncomfortable to be honest.

I now have two scars on my face...my first scars on my face. I have one on my left eyebrow and the other on my lip on the right side. They don't look too bad.

*knock knock *

I stood up from my bed and walked to the door.
"Yes?" I asked as I opened it.

Horangi was standing there waiting- "Hi! You have your first appointment with Dr. Viviane. Remember?" Horangi gave me a smile even though I couldn't see his face.

"Oh! Yes." I said as I walked out of the room.

I really had forgotten about that damn appointment. From now on I must have sessions with the doctor as it was one of the conditions to be able to be in KorTac.

Horangi was talking to me all the way to the medical wing of the base. I just listened to him and agreed with my head and a smile...I'm nervous. What if I say something I shouldn't? Are they listening to me? Am I being watched??

These are questions that make me not be able to be me with all these people...I would like to be honest and show them that I am a better person. That my actions are really forced...but- I'm afraid.

"You can go in now! König and I will be in the next room watching you from the glass. Anything...you know we're there. Good luck!" Horangi patted me on my back and walked away.

I opened the door and there was Viviane waiting for me. "Hi! Have a seat!" She greeted me with a smile.

I just smiled at her and sat down in the chair across from her.

"How are you?" Viviane asked me.

"I'm fine and you?"

"I'm very well! I see you have bruises and scars on your face...everything ok?" Viviane asked me with a worried face.

"Yes...all fine."

Viviane agreed and wrote in her notebook.
"How are you doing in the unit?"

"I think-I think well. Although many people on the base and in my unit itself still see me as an intruder or a danger to the base...I think other than that, all good." I said to her as I crossed my legs.

"Why do you think they see you that way?"

"It's obvious. I'm Svetlana Makarov, younger sister of one of the nations most wanted criminal, a former military woman who murdered her captain and a criminal." I said with a sarcastic smile.

"That's what you think they see? What the people around you see and think?"

"No doubt about it." I said.

"Tell me Svetlana, you are adopted right? It's something that's running all over the base." Viviane asked me.

Hearing her question I felt a little weird....
"Y-yes, yes I am."

"Why didn't you ever say so?"

"Because-because it's the past."

"Are you sure that's what you think?" Viviane asked me.

I stared at her for a few seconds, not knowing what to say....

"What else can I say? That I am adopted because my birth mother sold me just like she sold Vladimir to a rich and powerful family in Russia? That's what I should say?" I asked as I looked into her eyes.

"Do you remember that event very well?" Viviane asked me again.

"Yes, I was 7 years old."

As Viviane heard my age back then she opened her eyes very wide...she was surprised. I mean...who wasn't?

"What do you remember about Norilsk?"

"Not much, but - I do remember what it felt like. It was like living in a cloud full of depression or just an empty cloud. That's what Norilsk looks and feels like." I said.

"You've never been back there?"

"No, never again."

"And your parents? The adoptive ones?"

"My father is still alive, still working for the Russian government ...while my mother, Ksenia...was killed when I was 13."

"I'm so sorry." Viviane began to look at me with that same expression they always put on when they hear my past or something sad about me.

I hate that expression, it makes me feel weak.

"Do you have communication with your father?"

"Yes- not like before because I was basically kidnapped by KorTac but yes- Vladi- Vladimir is still working for dad." I said as I lowered my head.

"S-sorry?" Viviane asked.

"What?"

"Your brother works for your father?"

"Yes- rather- for the government."

"Russian?" Viviane asked me.

"Mjm." I replied.

"You are very aware of many things and you are very present in your past. Could you tell me why?" Viviane asked me.

"Like- I mean...yes I know a lot of things about my past and I remember a lot of things very well but- it doesn't mean I'm very present in it."

Viviane kept writing in her notebook...I must be saying something wrong or what is she writing...every time she writes while I talk it makes me think of so many things.....

"You know...I feel like you are really hiding some very huge trauma that is very present still inside you. A trauma that has been there for years...I wish you could open up to me and talk about it...but of course- everything in its own time. But - the real question is...why do you try to invade it or hide it so much?" Viviane asked me, putting her pen down on the table.

I gave a laugh- "we all have our reasons."

"Well...that's true! That would be all for today! See you next Friday, okay?" Viviane closed her notebook and said to me with a huge smile.

"Okay." I replied getting up from my chair and turning around to leave.

"Oh! I always do this with my patients...do you need anything?" Viviane asked me before I started to walk away.

I turned around again-"something? Like what?"

Viviane walked over to me- "something that the base doesn't have for you...ehh like for example something you always bought on the outside...or things like that."

"Oh.." I replied looking at her.

"Yes..do you need anything?" Viviane asked me again.

"Hair dye." I told her.

"Hair dye?" Viviane asked me very confused.

"Yes- I'm naturally blonde, but- I painted my hair black...and my eyebrows too. I'm going to need black hair dye." I told her.

"Oh! Oh! Okay! Count on it!"

"Thanks." I gave her a smile and walked away.