Suicide

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"How are we gonna keep the blood from coagulating?" Eric asks as he sits down next to me. After announcing that I Spencer could be our test subject I've decided to sit in a corner and finish my breakfast alone.

"What?" I turn to him and ask.

"When we take it from Spencer to run test on it, how will we stop the coagulation process?"

I pinch the bridge of my nose as the words fall out of my mouth, "We don't." I sigh out. "We can't." I add shaking my head. "Not without some form of anti-coagulant." I say and slap my forehead with an open palm. I don't know why I'm being so stupid. I know these things, yet Eric has been telling me stuff I should already have planned for.

"So what are we gonna do?" He asks looking around at the group then back to me.

"We're gonna need to make a run." I stand and say, answering his question as I announce it to the group.

"A run to do what? We're running out of power, Ashley?" Carmen says. "We can't keep wasting time? What do you need, I'm sure we can find it around here somewhere." She adds.

"Not unless you happen to have some Heparin lying around." Is my reply as I sit back down.

"Heparin." She mimics my actions.

"Yeah." I nod.

"What's the big deal? Can't we just go back to the pharmacy and pick some up. It wasn't that bad of a trip." Aiden speaks up.

"You can't get Heparin from a local pharmacy, Aid." I explain to him.

"Then what are we gonna do?" Glen asks as everyone looks at me, wanting an answer; needing to know an answer.

"We're gonna have to go to a hospital to get some." I sigh out.

"But the nearest hospital is LV Medical and it's..." Aiden trails off.

"It's what?" Spencer asks the question on everyone's mind. "It's what Aiden?" She asks again after a moment when Aiden doesn't answer.

"It's overrun." Kyla speaks up for him. "We were trying to get medical supplies a while back and we couldn't get anywhere near the place." She adds.

"So what does that mean? What do we do?" Glen asks in a panicked tone.

"Calm down." Aiden reaches over and rubs his back. "Breathe."

"I'm gonna have to go get it." I tell them.

"No!" Spencer, Kyla and Aiden all shout.

"It's a suicide mission, Ash." Kyla adds. "We're gonna just have to find another way to-"

"There is no other way. Without the Heparin we won't be able to do anything. We can't do any tests, we can't do squat." I speak up, my voice a little more abrasive than intended.

"Even if you could get past the hundreds of walkers on the outside, who knows how many are walking around on the inside!" Kyla stands and shouts. "How do you plan to get past those?"

"I don't know." I reply honestly. "I'll figure it out, I have to do this Ky." I tell her.

"That's the thing, Ash you don't." She shakes her head as her bottom lip trembles. "You think you do... you always have to be the hero, to save everyone; to be everyone's knight and shining armor. But you can't." She shakes her head as the tears that were threatening escape her eyes. "You can't keep putting yourself in danger and expect to always come back." She finishes, taking off out the room.

"I got her." Angel says quietly as she takes off after her.

"She's right you know." Mr. Carlin says as the rest of the group tries to look everywhere but at me because of the awkwardness that just unfolded.

"I don't have a choice." I shrug and stand up from the table I was leaning against. "I'm leaving in half an hour, I can understand if no one else wants to come. It is a suicide mission after all." I chuckle slightly, shaking my head as I play with my fingers. "I'm gonna go gear up." I thumb out the room, looking up at the group of people I've come to call family. They all have their heads down, trying not to look at me. I walk out the room to the room Spencer and I shared the first couple of nights to grab my things. I load two pistols and slip them into the holsters on my belt. I grab my bow bag and arrow, tossing them both on my shoulder, I also grab two small pocket knives and stuff them into my pockets. I check the clips of my guns once more before checking the time on my watch. A long sigh escapes my lips as I stand and turn towards the door. I'm startled at the sight.

"We're going with you." Aiden speaks up for the group.

"You guys don't have to-"

"We know." Glen nods, a small smile escapes his lips, "...then again, neither do you." He adds.

I smile a little and nod my head. "Okay, let's go." I tell them. Carmen, Glen, Arthur, Angel, Kyla, Aiden and Spencer all turn to walk towards the exit. "Spence." I call to her. She stops walking and turns back to me but doesn't say anything. "You can't go." I shake my head.

"What?" She questions with a look on her face that reads, 'are you seriously trying to tell me what to do right now?'

"Not because I'm trying to tell you what to do or anything." I say, letting her see that I can still read her mind. She smiles so I know I hit the nail right on the head.

"Then?" She asks, leaning against the wall.

"You're the test subject, you're the reason we're all going out on this incredibly stupid mission so I need you to stay here."

"But I-"

"There's no one crazy enough to volunteer to do what you're gonna do Spencer, if we lose you, we lose everything." I explain to her. She sighs and pushes off the wall.

"I know you're just using this as an excuse to make me stay." She leans close to me and whispers. "But it's a damn good excuse." She adds before walking away. I shake the thoughts out of my head and catch up with the group. We make our way down the stairs to the parking garage where the cars are.

"We'll take two vehicles just in case something happens." Arthur says. I look around at all the dead walkers on the ground.

Aiden puts a hand on my shoulder and says, "We had to take them out to get outta here last time." I turn to look at him. "What?" He questions, scanning my face. "Don't look so surprised Ashley, you're not the only one that can shoot a gun." He chuckles out and pushes me forward to get into the truck.

"Are we ready?" Arthur pulls up next to us in the other SUV and asks. I nod and pull out, leading the way.

This could very well be a suicide mission but it has to be done. Only seven days until we lose the back up generators, it's now or never...

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