Plastik Ka Din, Aminin!

Chapter I

Walakompake Avenue

Ows? Promise? Lashampake? Eh bat more stalk siya? More scroll sa FB, IG, TikTok at kung saan saan pa just to be "in the know" or to stay updated about the people he/she says he/she doesn't care about but actually does?

Diba? Why is it so difficult to come to terms with oneself regarding the fact that you care and you have this undeniable desire to know what everyone else is up to?

We often tell off people who care about people they've cut ties with. T*ng *na ka! Para kang tanga! Pag break na, break na! Pag sinabi mong hindi mo na papansinin yung pinsan mong sira, panindigan mo! Diba nilait-lait ka ng Tita mong yan dati? Eh bat more like ka pa sa pics niya?

And when they ask us...

Well ako, walakompake sa ex kong pinag-palit ako sa mas maganda, mas sexy at mas angat sa buhay! Walakompake but I guess it won't do anyone harm if I just check his/her profile - just this one time. Wala lang. I just wanna see if he's/she's actually happy with the person he/she chose over me. No strings attached. No malice involved. I just really wanna see if he/she has found the one.

 Ows? Promise?

You get frustrated when others can't seem to let go of things or people they said they're done with. You get irritated when you see a friend ranting about what he/she saw on the social media account of someone from the past. Bat kasi nakiki-alam ka pa sa kaniya? Bat kasi tingin ka pa ng tingin sa account niya? Para kang tanga! --- are the things we often say to our "tanga" friends.

But, what about you? Have you NEVER, as in ever sneaked a peek into the life of someone you said you don't care for anymore? Have you NEVER, as in ever, clicked onto that profile you avoided but got suggested on Facebook due to common friends? Lecheng algorithms yan!

Truth is, you also want to know - you want to know EVERYTHING. And something you don't want to admit is you want to know HOW YOU FEEL about your ex if you see him/her with the one. At some point, you even wanted to mock the person he/she chose over you. Wag kang plastic. Truth yan. Truth din sakin kasi many times, I actually went to my exes' profiles to "stalk" them a bit (or about an hour or so). No likes or anything on their posts - just silently observing and wanting to find even a small crack on their relationships.

Specifically, I look for signs of a strained love, a tired partner, a forced smile, a tiny, tiny sign of struggle. Yung bang posts na "I did my best, but I guess my best wasn't good enough." Tapos the next day, "I love you, bhie! Thank you for loving me." Yan, mga back-and-forth kineme nila that I speculate on for a few minutes before realizing, "Luh! Ba't ko daw sila iniisip? Ewww!" Wag kang plastic. Ginawa mo na din yan at least once in your life.

The point is, you want to know. You want to know - even if you aren't angry anymore about the f***ed-up breakup. You want to know - because you're sincerely happy for him/her. You want to know - if they lived happily ever after just as you wished they'd be.

Mahirap bang umamin na you actually care? To be honest, oo. It's hard to admit things that tamper or mess with one's pride and ego. It's hard to admit we still care, especially if the person we care about hurt us at one point. Ex man yan, friend, or family.

It's just hard. And the hardest part is not knowing whether they still care for you or they don't. Pweh! Wag nga silang plastic! They do! Ayaw lang din nilang aminin.

Because that's just who we all are. We're all plastic. We're just trying to wash our hands off of this label because we don't want to *ehem* be acquainted with anything less than our *supposed* standards. We're ashamed to admit it because we don't want the person or people we care about to find out that after cutting ties, we want to reconnect after all...

For an ex, friendship. For a friend, an acquaintance. For family, a reconciliation even in the shallowest level. Why? Because we're plastic. It hurts, but it's true. And unless we come to terms about "caring," we'll never move past the self-hate we feel each time we find ourselves "hiding" while finding ways to "silently reconnect."

Welcome to Walakompake Avenue - where plastics who say they don't care end up hating themselves because they hypocritically think they can keep themselves updated about someone else's life without having their emotions stirred at all! Cheers!