Re-encounter (Milex 2023)

1. April 24, Monday. Linz (Austria)

Miles was absolutely devastated to listen to his friend for the first time in many years. Since the end of the EYCTE tour, Miles hadn't heard Alex sing live. He had fought with all his strength during the entire TBHC tour not to attend any concert, despite how much it hurt him having to do this. But he knew that he wouldn't have been able to bear it. He knew that there would be too many feelings, too many memories to take it as just as another concert. The years passed and, although the feelings did not die out, he learned to cope with the pain. 2022 arrived with a new album and a new tour with many concerts... he promised himself not to go to any, just as he had done on the previous tour. But he regretted his decision in 2018 too much.

Miles thought taciturnly —What if I go to see the Arctic Monkeys live? What if I finally face the dread that the idea of hearing Alex sing again and falling in love with him again caused? What's the worst that could happen? There are already so many sleepless nights, does it matter one more or one hundred more? I'd pay that price and a way bigger one to be able to hear him singing again. 

Am I really ready to go? Well, there's only one way to find out, right? What should I do? I'm definitely not ready to call the band... to call him. What if I go without telling anyone? I could melt into the audience, no one would know I'm there... I would only listen to his beautiful voice immersed in the noise of the arena... —He kept a fluent dialogue with himself.

He finally decided to buy tickets for the first European concert of 2023, which would take place on April 24 in Austria. It was perfect, no one would suspect that he would be there in the audience. He arranged everything, bought the concert ticket and booked a hotel from a couple of days before the concert until a couple of days after; he would need time both to psych himself up previously and to recover afterwards.

Restlessness flooded all of his mental processes, he was nervous and anxious, but he also felt like a child waiting impatiently for his birthday. It was a mixture of sensations that had him in a constant state of alert, in a limbo in which he was not even able to identify his own feelings. 

APRIL 24, MONDAY 

He spent the whole weekend locked in his hotel room, waiting for Monday to come. The days passed slowly but finally the long-awaited date arrived. He woke up early, got himself ready physically and mentally (or, at least, he tried, since there was no way to prepare to hear Alex sing again). He ate early and went to the stadium where they would play, and got in the queue, where there weren't many people yet. Luckily, everyone was too excited about the concert and no one recognized him, oddly enough. He managed to get relatively close to the stage, close enough to see Alex perfectly, but also to make it impossible for Alex to recognize him. 

What Miles felt during the concert was so intense that no verbal language can accurately describe it. The only approximation we can make of this is that tears have not stopped streaming down his face since Alex started singing the opening lines of Suck it and See a cappella. When they started playing Perfect Sense, Miles even considered leaving, he didn't know if he could handle anymore Alex's soft voice while playing his acoustic guitar... With that hair he almost looked like he did during the last part of the EYCTE tour... Despite all he was feeling, he stayed. Hearing 505 and remembering all the times they had played it together broke him into a thousand pieces. Just when he thought he couldn't feel anything anymore, I wanna be yours began to play and Alex's voice uttering those verses in front of him—even though he didn't know it—made Miles believe he was dying.

As soon as the concert finished, he left the arena as fast as he could. He needed air, he felt like he couldn't breathe. However, he couldn't get far. He was getting dizzy and his muscles were reluctant to function normally, his legs were giving out. He ended up sitting on a bench. He started feeling that his lungs weren't working again, he was sweating and he could hear his own heartbeat like a constant hammering, fast and unstable. He thought he was dying and the most painful thing about that feeling was the fear that he wouldn't be able to see Alex ever again. He had an anxiety attack. A couple passing by stopped to try to help him. Little by little, they managed to get his breathing back to normal, he stopped shaking and, although his eyes were still wet, he was no longer crying convulsively. The couple asked him for a taxi and, without really remembering how, he ended up in his hotel bed, falling asleep between the soft crying that slowly soaked his sheets.