Okay, I was a loser, right? People say they don’t understand me. Honestly, I don’t understand myself. Why did I even lose a basketball game that too for people who didn’t even give a shit about me. Why am I bothering about them? Rob? One person who I’ve always wanted to ignore after I got to know he was dating my sister. Why did I want him to be happy? Did he ever do anything or give in any effort to make me happy? I doubt. Blake? Give me a break, I don’t even know him. Jennifer? She hated me. It wasn’t that I hated her, just that she was a little creepy. What happened to me at that time? Why am I changing?
“Well played.” A barbie-doll voice said.
I could have killed her at that time. I wanted to take some rest and figure out what was wrong with me and not initiate sarcasm. I turned.
“Seriously, Sadie. Get a life.” I rolled my eyes and took my towel.
“At least I have a better one than yours. I don’t hit on my sister’s boyfriend as well as my enemy’s brother at the same time! Unlike.. lets see, you?” she said, smiling sheepishly.
“Wait, what? I was hitting on Rob and Blake. Don’t you give me that shit.” I said, my voice now rising.
Before she could answer, someone knocked at the door. It was Rob.
He did not seem to be happy anymore. His face looked more intense, and it looked like something serious had happened. I thought he wanted to speak to Sadie, that’s why I started to pile up my things.
“Sam, can I please speak to you for a minute?” he said.
“me?” I asked him, raising my eyebrows.
That was weird. We hadn’t spoken to each other since the past five months. We did not even say ‘hi’ to each other. Why did he want to speak to me suddenly?
I took my bag and stood beside him. His hand gesture pointed towards the shabby locker room that was not renovated yet. Nobody went there. It was usually called the ‘break up point’.
“what?” I asked, shrugging my shoulders.
“what’s with that attitude?” he asked, his eyes showed signs of pain.
“Look, I do not have the entire day. What do you want? Make it fast.” I said, avoiding eye contact.
“Okay then. Lets get it straight. Why did you stop speaking to me?” he asked.
“From where did that come from? It has been five months that we haven’t been speaking to each other and all of a sudden you come and ask me why I wasn’t speaking to you? And you want me to believe that?” I said. He was acting weird.
“Why don’t you just answer my question?” he asked, a little irritated.
“Well guess what? I wont because I don’t want to.” I said and turned to leave.
He held my hand, pulled me close to him, bent his face and kissed me. That touch, it felt like the interlock of two cotton balls. His soft lips brushed mine and it was heavenly. I released both my hands and put them behind his back. I forgot all my sorrows and just went for it. But after a second, I pushed him back, hard. This was not right. He was my sister’s boyfriend! He loved my sister! And my sister had feelings for him too. Yes, I did love him. But that does not change the fact that we would be cheating. This was wrong. Very wrong. What had even happened to me? How could I ever think that we both had a chance? Even if they both broke up, it would be something like “she dated her own sister’s boyfriend. How sick.” This was embarrassing.
I looked at Rob. He looked at me and shrugged.
“why again did you call me here, Rob? What do you want?” I asked, giving him a last chance.
“I just heard stuff. Sam could you please..” he started off, coming close to me.
I stepped back. “Don’t.” I said, warning him. I looked at his eyes, they did not have shame in them at all. I realized that I was just being stupid waiting for him. Not only now, but since so long. I had been stupid all this while. I could not take it anymore. I left. I ran and ran and ran unless I reached the roof of my school. It had always been my favourite place. Here, you could do all kind of stuff. It was meant for me to cry and speak to myself. I sat down at one corner.
No sooner did I sit down, than the tears started to come out of my eyes. This time, I wasn’t going to stop. “let the emotions flow.” This is one quote I never follow. Every time I have to resist myself. Being too happy, being too sad, being too jolly, being too gloomy. I sat there, staring at the little kids from the top, who seemed to be so happy. I wanted to shout and tell them, “don’t you sit there and be so happy, kiddos, your life is going to screw up soon.”
Someone tapped my back. I did not want to turn around, it was pretty obvious. Who could it be, apart from Rob? When we were best friends, I used to be angry with him and sit in the same pattern and he used to come up and apologize. Ah, those days.
I wiped my tears in a hurry. “Go away, Rob.” I said, not facing him.
He tapped my back again. “I said, go away.” I repeated, in a louder voice this time.
He tapped again, for the third time. Now, this was irritating me. I stood up, took my bag, turned and said “Is it so difficult..-” it wasn’t him. It was the person I had least expected to show up.
“What do you want?” I asked.
“What’s the matter with you?” Blake said, looking concerned.
“Why do you care? Why have you come up? To see how much mess I am in? Well, you have seen now. Please leave.” I said, without stopping.
I thought he got offended by that, because as soon as I said that, he turned around. I bit my lip.
“hey Blake. I’m sorry.” I said, chewing my lips.
He turned. He came and sat down. Was this guy insane? I guess so. He looked at me, raising his eyebrows. I sat down next to him. For five minutes we didn’t talk. I was fiddling with my car keys.
“Umm.. I guess I should leave. Mom must be waiting.” I said. Dude, it was so awkward. I barely knew this guy.
“you lost purposely today, didn’t you?” he asked, first looking down and then looking at me.
Holy crap. How did he get to know?
“What? What shit?” I said, trying to act like I didn’t know what he was saying.
He smirked, “you know you suck at lying, don’t you?” he said.
Was this guy a psychiatrist? I did not respond and just smiled.
“Come on, Sam. Speak up. What hurts?” he asked me.
I looked at him and smiled.
“ I don’t know? Maybe dreams hurt, love hurts. In short, life hurts.” I said, just hoping for the tears to not start flowing again. I hated to cry in front of people.
“Dreams do not hurt, not being able to fulfill it does. Love does not hurt, rejection does. Life does not hurt, the way you look at it does.” He said.
It took me two minutes to understand what he really meant. And it was deep.
__________________________________________________________________
“They say never change for anyone,
I say change is the only constant.”
