faces of my lovers

lost me

Damn, it's been a minute since you hit my line
Questioning my actions, got me sitting in denial
I'm wondering why I wasted time
Cause now we outta touch and I miss your smile
Or the sparks in your eyes whenever you stared in mine
But do keep in mind that we were kids when we fell in love for the first time
Now we both living different lives
I'm fighting for human rights, not really
I'm with my niggas on the block, smoking chronic, screaming "Fuck the cops"
Breaking laws, tryna make it out
Make my mom proud, cop my mom a house
I mean, as kids, we were struggling, moving house to house
No one to call "pops" around
If he lifts a hand on her, I'ma take my gun out, swear to God
These thoughts been creeping for a while now
I can't sleep, living with PTSD since I was six
Toxic households got me questioning why I even exist
So, there's no way I'll commit to a relationship
But maybe I'm supposed to grow from this
Grow old with you, watch the rose bloom
Write the tale of our story down in a gold tomb
After all, I was your go-to whenever things got rough on your end
Just imagine if we viewed it from the same lens
Maybe then, we'd be better off as more than friends
But your projected insecurities got us cornered in a cul-de-sac
You can't seem to move on from the fact that you're stuck in the past
But so am I, there I go again judging you for shit in the past
I try to forget but these thoughts keep running wild in my head
With every move I simply imitate my dad
Fuck, we finally finished school, only seen you twice this year
Me isolating only heightened all my fears
I'm losing touch with all my peers, I'm on a clearer path, spiritual in fact
Chasing checks, just tryna watch my back
Cause friends turnt foe and snakes still slithering the grass
And I don't know where your heart's at
If you still love me even though we lost contact
The very nature of our relationship is complex
One sided though, but everyone knows where my heart's at