Random SiX stuff that's clogging up my brain

Dang, Lemme Apologise

The thing is that I won't update the oneshot book anytime soon I'm afraid, I'm working on a relatively long oneshot, y'know the online conversation thingy. It's turning out a bit more complexed than I anticipated. I think it's gonna be over 9000 words, which isn't that much, but my usual is around 3000-5000.

And I'm not actively writing at the moment, this week has been more than painful.

I realised that I don't have a clue of how love is supposed to feel like, I only had one girlfriend, and honestly? Not that good of a reference for anything.

While I do like someone, I know that I'll never be with him and I just don't know how to describe my emotions around him. I get stupid, say mean shit and stutter my brain out, all this bullshit happens against my will, I don't know how to be even alive when he smiles at me. And the second I have a chance with him, someone way cooler than me is there before me. It's more than frustrating. I see him most days, it feels so horrible.

So that's a thing that's been bugging me all week.

I get so jealous of this person I've never actually met, that likes the guy I've liked for almost three years.

Everything's a mess, is what I'm trying to say. I can't write more than a few hundred words a day.

A lotta heartbreak that I have to take care of (listening to Heathers and Rent help with the saddest parts and SiX with the 'fuck you, I can live by myself' parts).