Alone : A Broken boy

Broken

I woke up feeling empty, like something was missing. It was a feeling I had become all too familiar with. I rolled out of bed and started my usual routine of getting ready for the day ahead. As I looked in the mirror, I saw a broken boy staring back at me.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't seem to be myself around people. I keep my problems to myself, not wanting to burden anyone. It's not like I have anyone to turn to anyway. Sure, I have friends, but they're only there for the good times. They disappear as soon as things get tough.

My parents think they emotionally support me, but they have no idea what I'm going through. They don't know what I'm into, what I like, or what I'm struggling with. It's like I'm invisible to them.

I've always struggled to express my feelings, to reach out for help when I need it the most. It's a constant battle within myself, trying to stay afloat and keep my head above the water. I've been broken for so long, that it's hard to remember a time when I was whole.

I've tried to put up a facade, to pretend that everything is okay, that I can handle anything that life throws at me. But deep down, I know that's not true. I'm tired of feeling like I'm not enough like I'm not worthy of love and support.

I've come to accept that everyone in my life is temporary, including my friends. They all have their own lives to live, and I'm just a small part of it. I've learned to not depend on anyone, to not need anyone. It's easier that way.

For a long time, I've had no one to turn to when I'm feeling down. I've tried to keep my struggles to myself, not wanting to be a burden to anyone. But it's hard to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders alone.

But then, something happened. I met a group of people who showed me respect and accepted me for who I am. It was strange because I had never experienced anything like it before. I didn't feel good around them, but I didn't feel bad either. It was just...neutral.

That's when I met her, the person who changed everything. The one who showed me what it's like to be cared for, to be seen for who I truly am. She messaged me first, asking how I was doing, and it was the first time in my life that someone showed such genuine concern for me.

From the moment we started talking, I knew there was something special about her. She accepted me for who I was, with all my flaws and imperfections. She made me feel like I was enough like I didn't have to pretend anymore.

But as time passed, my inner demons started to creep back in. I began to question whether she would stay with me forever, whether I was worth fighting for. It's like I couldn't allow myself to be happy like I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

The fear of losing her is suffocating me. The thought of her leaving me, of me being alone once again, is unbearable. It's like a constant battle between my heart and my mind, between the hope that she'll stay and the fear that she'll leave.

I don't know if I can handle the pain of losing her. She's become the light in my life, the one who gives me hope that things can get better. Without her, I'm lost in the darkness once again.

I just hope that she knows how much she means to me, how much I appreciate her presence in my life. She's the one who makes me feel like I'm not alone like I have someone who cares. And for that, I am eternally grateful.

XXI-XXIV-MMXXIII