✨️ONC 2023 Shortlisted✨️
'And I knew then, with an earth-shattering certainty, that everything I'd worked for, strived for, suffered for, had just turned to dust. My life as I knew it, scattered along the pavement with shards of windscreen and the c...
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"Leave behind my wuthering, wuthering..." I'm singing along with the music playing on my phone. My head moving side to side in time with the rhythm. Sarah is groaning in frustration, as she stares unhappily at her phone but is tapping her feet along to the music too.
The song hits the chorus and we both launch into lung-bursting renditions.
"Heathcliff, it's me, I'm Cathy..."
I'm lying back on the sunlounger, Sarah beside me. Her hands were glued to her phone, mine resting on my belly. We giggle as the song ends, staring up at the night sky, at the stars that wink down at us. Early swirls of light are rising over the horizon, cracking through the darkness. We'd spent the night out here after leaving the school. Talking, slipping in and out of sleeping and staring at the sky. Not doing much, but it felt like a lot. Something had ended. I had severed the last of my ties to my old life in a flurry of laughter and shattered glass and that needed recognising. I feel a strange sense of peace of having let my old life slip away as I danced along to the rhythm of a new one.
Sarah had been right. It was my past that I'd lost. My future would differ from what I'd planned. It would be hard, maybe even damn near impossible, but it would be mine. It would be ours. I glance down at the bump, my toes now hidden from view. The baby is sleeping, and their calm seems to radiate through my body.
"Still nothing!" Sarah's voice, coarse from lack of sleep shatters my distant thoughts.
"Give her time. Getting back together with you is a big decision. You're kind of a pain in the ass."
"I hate you."
I smile to myself as I glance her way, seeing her glaring at her phone so hard it might just shatter. Sarah had messaged Amanda, hoping there might still be a chance for them. I think letting go a little of her desperation to save Connor had freed up her mind enough to think about her own life. And she missed her ex-girlfriend.
"Thank you for last night. And for everything else, you've done for me. I know it was for Connor, but... it couldn't have been easy." The words taste bitter on my tongue, and maybe it's the long night, or my mind heavy from tiredness, or the way the world is so peaceful it seems like we're severed from it right now. The usual rules don't apply.
She sighs heavily, her eyes drawn upwards towards the sky like mine.
"Connor was a big reason, it still is, but it's not the only reason. Shock, horror, but I'm not exactly great at making friends either. And the last few months have been hard, knowing what's coming for him. And at first, you being around, made it harder but... recently you've made it easier. I never would have guessed when it all gets too much it would be you I'd want to talk to, but... I do."
She doesn't look at me, keeping her eyes towards the fading stars.
"I'm sorry," I mutter and Sarah finally glances my way, her eyes heavy with lack of sleep. It takes a moment for my words to sink in, but I don't need to elaborate more. "For all of it."
