Lucy Pyre Coffee Shop AU - by Em O'Rald

Part 6

Lucy tripped and fell on her face twice on the way to the monster. When she finally got in position, she laid on the floor and mustered up her best damsel-in-distress voice.

"Oh, Leon! Please save me!"

"I'm a little busy right now!" he responded. He was wrestling with a monster who had a knife. There was no way he could break free from his grapple in time. This was not turning out well.

"Um, Sally? Please save me?"

"Can't right now, save yourself," she said. She was firing at a crowd of tentacle monsters trying to breach one of the now-open windows. If she left her position, the whole coffee shop would be overrun.

Lucy was not prepared for this outcome. She stared blankly up at the monster as it marched toward her. It was mere feet away. She jumped up off the floor and took one step before tripping and falling back down. It was too late, the monster was upon her!

She closed her eyes and braced herself. She imagined the tentacle monster ripping off her clothes, touching her all over, penetrating her. She squirmed and moaned at the thought. No! This shouldn't be enjoyable, she was in danger! And if she didn't die, she could end up as one of them! But her naughty thoughts were unstoppable. She imagined herself as a tentacle monster, having her way with a victim, helpless against the overpowering urge to do evil that comes along with turning into a monster. And what if she was compelled to turn on Leon....

She felt someone step over her. Confused, she opened her eyes and saw the tentacle monster walking past her. She had been ignored!

"Hey, wait!" she said, indignantly.

She barely got two words out before the tentacle monster spoke with a deep, booming voice.

"CEASE THIS AT ONCE!" it said.

Everything came to a stop. The knife that Leon was struggling to wrestle into his grip clanged on the floor. Lucy noticed for the first time that the monsters had beady, black eyes and a mouth hidden under the mass of tentacles. The speaking one lifted his hand and revealed a police badge.

"I am an officer of the law. You all are under arrest for aggravated assault!"

Silence hung in the air for what felt like a full minute.

"What?" said Leon, for once unable to come up with a witty retort.

Just then, the door banged open and Snuffy came rushing in, brandishing a shotgun.

"WHAT'S UP MOTHERFUCKERS, I'M HERE TO –" Snuffy paused and lowered her shotgun. "What's going on? Wasn't everyone fighting just a moment ago?"

"They were," said the officer. "And I was just about to arrest them. I don't know why we are all turning into monsters, but that's no excuse to act like one! You should be ashamed of yourselves."

"B-but, he killed my wife!" said a meek voice. It came from the monster who was just previously wrestling with Leon.

"Yeah, and my child!" another chimed in. "I don't know why the boy suddenly started attacking that boarded up window, but he sure as hell didn't expect an armed gunman to be on the other side!"

"I'm still alive, mother," said one of them bleeding on the floor. "I just heard the Kuroinu theme and flew into a blind rage."

Lucy blinked.

"But what about the explosions?" asked Sally. "Were we not being attacked?"

Snuffy guiltily looked at the floor and cleared her throat. "Um. Allegedly, I might have set fire to a couple of trucks for fun. In Minecraft."

Was the whole thing a big misunderstanding?

"Uh, hey mister Leon," said Snuffy. "Would you possibly consider going out with Lucy?"

Finally, Snuffy had resorted to the first thing any reasonable person would have tried. The silence was even deeper this time. All eyes were on the handsome man, who was still struggling to understand the situation.

"No, she's not my type," he said flatly. "Sally's more my type."

"Wanna hook up after this, lover boy?" asked Sally.

"Sure. Follow my lead."

He unhooked something from his belt and tossed it onto the floor. It emitted a bright flash, momentarily blinding everyone. When Lucy's eyesight returned, Leon and Sally were nowhere to be seen. Everyone stood still, baffled.

"Is anyone here willing to go out with me?" asked Lucy, desperate for any kind of validation. A chorus of no's echoed through the room. Lucy dropped to her knees, defeated.

Just then, her phone started ringing again. The Kuroinu theme played to a silent room, interrupted only by the gargled cries of rage from the child tentacle monster on the floor. Lucy answered the call.

"DICKS!" it said, and the person on the other end hung up.

~The End~