Somehow Still Alive

Happiness is Fleeting

She didn't believe any kind of good emotions were in the cards for her.

Never in her existence did she think that a god was real, but as she woke up, she came to the conclusion that perhaps one did exist, but they despised her.

Why did she wake up? Her soul was not supposed to be tethered to a body, nor was her consciousness supposed to wake. When she said goodbye it was supposed to be for the last time. So, why? Why did she open her eyes and see light and hear voices and feel a warm embrace?

When you don't have expectation you don't get disappointed. It was a rule that she stuck to for all the years that she roamed the Earth. However, the one singular time that she expected things to go her way they didn't. And she was disappointed.

She felt small, and when she raised her hands to look at it, it was tiny and pudgy, not the one that she remembers having. She looked up to see that face of a woman smiling down at her with the warmest expression she's ever seen directed towards her. Never did her parents ever hold her like this when she was an infant in her last life, nor did anyone look at her with such care.

The woman, who she would have to assume was her mother in this life, was at her softly. For a moment she felt bad for her, she was supposed to have a perfect little baby and instead she got someone who wasn't supposed to be here. She wanted nothing more than just sit there and cry, or scream until she ran out of air. Instead, she simply closed her eyes and did her best to fall asleep, hoping that when she woke up she was where she was supposed to be.

- - - - - - - -

Once again she opened her eyes and she was an infant.

This time, she was all alone. She was placed in a crib, filled with blankets and fluffy pillows. When the realization finally set in, and she realized that this nightmare was a reality, she cried.

She couldn't help it. Seemingly of its own accord, her small body shook with silent sobs, and she was soon laying in a puddle of her own tears.

She hadn't cried in years. In her past life, she hadn't shed a single tear since she was five, and even then she was in the hospital with life threatening injuries. The fact of the matter was; she did not cry.

However, the one singular time she had ever asked anything of the universe, she was dupped. She had been played like a fiddle; forced to start over from the very beginning when all she wanted to do was die.

- - - - - - - -

Luckily for her, she didn't come into her new body until it was a little over a year old, so it was relatively easy for her to figure out how to walk and talk

Unfortunately, it took ger mother for a loop when she walked into the kitchen (unsteadily) and asked for a cup of water.

She whisked her up into her arms, holding her above her head, and cooed at her. "You can talk! And walk! My little genius!"

Although she was uncomfortable, she allowed the woman to hug her tightly, and she didn't have the heart to tell her the truth.

She was so kind and loving. She couldn't take that happiness away from her, even at the expense of her own comfort.

She sat with her for hours, indulging her every question, and walking around the room dozens of times. She never seemed to grow tired of watching her do the most basic thing, or listening to her speak about whatever random things came to mind.

"I'm so proud of you," she said eventually, grinning broadly.

She paused; her whole body seemed to lock up, and she wasn't able to move for a good minute. Finally, she was able to quirk a brow, "Why?"

Why was she proud of her? She understood that she was in a baby's body, but it wasn't like walking or talking at this age was unheard of.

Her new mother's smile dropped slightly, and she was worried she had done something to offend her. "Because you're wonderful, sweetheart. Do I need any other reason to be proud of you?"

She tilted her head and shrugged. She supposed that she could do as she liked, and she didn't have to understand the though process behind it. "Oh," she said, attempting a smile, "thank you."

Her lips quirked up the slightest bit, but she felt like her expression was less happy than she intended it to be.

"Is there something wrong, honey?" She didn't like the way she seemed worried, or the way she stroked her hair to comfort her. Did it matter? How was she supposed to explain how she felt? Or the situation she was in?

"I'm fine," she told her eventually, schooling her expression into a happy one, despite the lack of smile.

Her life continued on like this for several weeks. She spent her time in the house, trying to teach her tiny body better coordination.

One day, her mother picked her up, got her dressed, and told her they were going outside. She may not have really wanted to, but it made sense that she would have to leave the home sooner or later.

As soon as they were outside, she noticed that it was hotter than she remembered it being. It was also abundantly clear she was no where near the city she used to live in.

However, when they got to some main road, it was clear why everything was both different and familiar.

She was in motherfucking Naruto.

The realization was sickening. It wasn't that shea hated the anime, but she also didn't have any interest in living in the Naruto universe. In a world of ninja and chakra, no one was safe, not even civilians.

They ducked into some grocery store, quietly getting things they needed food wise. She was surprised when she heard a few civilians call her mother a whore along the way. The people in the show hadn't ever shown that much disdain toward female Shinobi, so why were they ostracizing her mother?

Points to her, though, because she didn't look even remotely fazed by their words. She stood tall and did what she came here to do.

She was quiet the entire time, content to be the good kid. There were at least a dozen other children in the shop with them, and all of them were loud. Her mother had to hide a snicker when she noticed her staring disdainfully at a kid who was screaming and crying at his mom.

Leaning forward so only she could hear her, she whispered, "Why is everyone so loud?"

It was a genuine question. Most people in her old world knew how to keep to themselves, and stores were usually a lot quieter.

"I couldn't tell you," the woman replied dryly, "But I'm glad I was blessed with a child as calm as you."

There was silence between them for a moment before she broke it again. "Will you teach me how to read?"

As sad as it was, she didn't know how to read the language here, only English. Her mother seemed startled, "I don't see why not."

She went out of her way to pick up some kiddie books at the library on our way home, and as soon as the food was put up, she sat with me on the couch and did her best to explain the basics.

An hour later, she looked up at her with the softest expression she could muster. "I think I want to be a ninja too," she said quietly.