bits of my heart

I'm there nonexistent

Isn't it enough already
being stabbed in the back
and having to fake a smile so steady
in spite of the growing crack
why does everything has a halt
where you discover you were nothing
more than a subject to insult
every night those words sing
reminding me of my value
and reminding me I'm dead
and my body is just a frozen cold statue
the goodbyes I bid
I've been that kid
who doesn't exist
in the group picture
I'm that kid who would get all the lecture
I'm that same one still
I've not changed , I've fell
I still do pray for those
who hurt me
and the anger that once rose
I dug it deep within the sea
I tried to forget but I just can't anymore
I did forgive, but I lived life sore
I had to end my life
perhaps that's when I get rid of every knife
my hands are now cold
and my heart I sold
to the nightmares creeping by
but I did not die
I'm there watching everyone
I'm there having fun
because I did a promise before
and it didn't die or
end
I promised to wake up
I promised to never stop
I promised to love
I promised to raise you above
I promised I would heal my pain
I promised I will never remain
that odd kid behind
yeah I'm that one of a kind
I still am a kid
I like going up the stairs backward
I still tease the teachers
I still find it awkward
when I visit
I still love
I still appreciate
I'm just alive in my mind...