The Sun Will Come Up

Eleven

The two of them made it home, but there was still this eeriness that lingered in the space between them. Rin didn't know what Bachira had seen out there in the darkness and he wasn't quite sure what he'd meant by I don't know if that's what I want anymore either.

There was the hopeful side of him that secretly hoped he'd come to the same conclusion. That they could slip off their masks and the pretense and all of this could just continue and become real with bit of slight of hand. But there was a lot of him that was thinking he was simply finished subjecting himself to the pain that this fake relationship provided.

They got back, washed up, and got into Rin's room without any more encounters with the worst brother and ex boyfriend on the planet. Rin asked where the laptop was and offered to put on a movie, but Bachira had changed his mind about that too apparently, and got into bed and curled up near the wall.

Rin got the distinct feeling that this might be a very long weekend.

He himself wasn't all that tired yet, but he got into the twin bed anyways and lay his arm outstretched, believing that Bachira's inability to sleep alone was alive and well. Bachira saw the action but stayed pressed up against the wall.

"It's fine," Bachira said. "I have to get used to it."

You don't have to get used to it, Rin wanted to protest, but didn't. It's not really like he had much place to offer him a permanent space in his bed or his arms at this point. Not when they both still lived with their parents and were going back to soccer prison in another week. Rin then thought about just letting it go, but didn't.

"Shut up," he said, pulling Bachira in anyways. "Come here."

Bachira fell asleep pretty quickly after that, and Rin quickly realized that he'd either been lying or trying to spare his feelings, because he clutched to him for dear life, worse once he'd fallen asleep. It was to the point where Rin would shift and Bachira would gasp and his grip would tighten, all outside the realm of consciousness, and Rin would stroke his thumb wherever his hand was making contact and silently tell him, shh. I'm not going anywhere, all while deciding that for the time being, it didn't necessarily have to be a lie.

There was a point before Rin himself fell asleep that he heard Sae and Isagi go into Sae's room on the opposite side of the thin adjoining wall. He could hear them laughing and speaking to each other. No complete words were coming through, but Rin felt a little panicked anyways, realizing that Bachira's headphones were not only out of reach, but out of sight entirely.

Once Rin knew they'd gotten into bed and the sounds coming through had taken a significantly more traumatizing turn, Rin knocked on the wall as best he could manage without moving or waking Bachira. It was an action of sympathy, yes, but it was also largely self preservation. They stopped. He could all but hear his brother's stupid protest, but luckily for everyone involved, except Sae, which was fine, Isagi was clearly the sane one in the relationship, and Rin would give him half credit for that.

And he slept pretty well, too.

He recalled wondering how anyone ever learned to sleep with Bachira clinging to them like that, but he'd found it almost painfully easy. Then, for a brief moment, he hated that. He hated how much he could tolerate due to these feelings, and he hated what was to come because of them. But then he shook them off. More important matters were at hand. Namely, breakfast.

Which was easier said than done. Rin was awake and starving before Bachira even showed the slightest sign of stirring. Rin eventually got tired of waiting and started nudging him, but to his horror, the only reaction Bachira had was nuzzling his head into him and protesting with whines and stressed breath. It was so cute. That was the most horrifying thing about it.