Le Tiger

Changing

The first time I change it's on a stormy day when Cincinnati cannot help but cry for all us lost souls. Mateo says the weather will trigger it and I have no right but to believe him. I can smell the rain and so much more. The asphalt. The wet leaves and dirt, earth. I have been hiding Mateo for 2 weeks now, Though he comes "down" (climbs down my window and comes through the front door) almost three times a week to eat dinner with my father and I. Otherwise he hunts. I don't even want to think about that or how I'll have to do it eventually. My father must think he's my boyfriend, but he's really not. Just a friend who's helping another friend in need. He, Mateo, says we'll have to leave eventually to find his parents and then go live in the jungle but as long as I'm living in this city it's hard to believe. Unfathomable. That is until today. When I change for the first time.

⎐

Dear Father,

I find myself writing to you very far from home. So far in fact I don't even know the word. But I am safe. That's all that matters, they say. "They". I cannot tell you who "they" are but fret not, they care for me and provide all I need. They are my protectors and friends. He is with me. But I'm sure you've guessed that. I'm sure you guessed that long ago on that fateful night when the street lamp burnt out. I am well. Or getting well. Everyday is new, and that is how I will think of it. Newness is beautiful. Infinite. Terrifying yet comforting. But father, how can something be both?

Lost but safe,

Gloria

⎐

Dear daughter,

Do you remember your fifth birthday? I took you to the zoo to see your favorite animal at the time; the penguins? You got so excited when we came upon their exhibit that you quite literally jumped up and down squealing and dropped your ice cream. I tear up just thinking about how simple life was back then, or even a few months ago. I miss you more than you know but I'm glad to hear you're safe. I wish you could tell me where you are but I trust in god.

Lost and found,

Your father,

Charles

⎐

I see his eyes first. His green new growth eyes. Shining like the stars above us, deep below us, and I see myself reflected in them. My red-orange hair. Fiery like sunset sunflowers. And I see myself change. See it before I feel it. I hunch over. My legs become flanks, my arms become legs. I become. A beast, a Tiger. One with him in front of me. One with her, flowing through me. I can breathe. Again and again I breathe through my nose and can smell the forest. It is new like new growth eyes. Green. Earth. Stars above. Stars below. Sun within. Beautiful again just as it was before.