you could be the one

stop playing games

tw: mental health and alcohol

I wake up just as we arrive at the place we are staying, Ella and Less have already stood up filled with excitement, they have nothing to worry about, I have everything to worry about. I'm one of the last people of the coach when Beth pulls me back for a conversation away from everyone else. " How you feeling?". I've known Beth for years and if anyone realises how nervous I felt it would be her. " I'll be okay" I give her a small smile and walk of to face whatever I've gotten myself into.

I open the door to my room as Leah must of got to it first, she nodds and then continues to ignore my presence. "Williamson can we talk?" I don't want to spend my time here eith a miserable roommate , I could at least try and communicate with her. "what's up Olivia?" she dosent even look up , "I'm talking to you it's rude to look away" , how rude can she be ? She scoffs clearly annoyed. " do you mind? I'm trying to unpack and think about serious things, I don't need someone like you acting like life is jsut a game to come and distract me, want some advice? Stop playing games and start acting more mature". With that she walks out the room.

Someone like you acting like life is jsut a game? What's that supposed to mean. Atleast now she's gone I can have a drink, to calm my anxiety down and to make me forget what she jsut said. Few hours later she returns. I'm sat on the sofa watching orange is the new black. Maybe I drank a few more rhan I should of but I find myself stood up and walking towards her. "Williamson what did you mean by what you said earlier" She looks at me and her eyebrows raise and she looks like she's about to shout. "Leave it , I'm having a shower then we need to talk"

Without even letting me reply she walks away. Shaking my head in disbelief I head to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee, making her a tea for our conversation.

Half a hour later she appears, I feel the oxygen leave my body as I stare at her. Her blonde hair is still dripping wet down a plain white t-shirt making it see through and tighter to her perfect figure. Her black Arsenal joggers hugging her legs to keep her warm, the outfit looks nice on her. Then I remember about our conversation. I look up at her face and realise its serious, but also like she is about to break. Don't cry infront of me Leah please. "sit down" she tells me, I do as she says slightly worried now.

"I have been told to pass this onto you, they told me to look after you more than usual after you heae this." This is it. They found someone better for the squad, I get up going to get my bags. " please sit back down, it's about your dad" My dad, the man that I loved for than anyone in the world, before I left he had developed cancer but said he was managing it well. "he's d-d-dead". Now the oxygen was suffocating me. I couldn't breathe. I had to get out before I burst. I grab my bottle out my bad not caring if anyone noticed and ran. I ran and ran in a place I wasent familiar with.

Eventually I stopped in a abandoned building not far from the coast. It looked safe ish and no one was around. A perfect place for me to process things. I don't cry , I don't laugh , I don't move. I can't do anything. The one time I needed to cry and I still can't. My dad death was one thing that I wouldn't ever want to hear so why can't I feel anything? I drink and more until I was laughing at the walls of the building. If this makes my career come to an end then so be it.

My phones starts ringing, an unknown number. I leave it, not in the mood for scammers right now.

unknown: Hey its leah, where are you? im coming to get you

How has she got my number and why does she care? I laugh as she rings again , this time I answer " miss Williamson can I help you" its quiet but eventually she speaks " I have your location I'm coming" with that I hear her start her car and end the call.