The Alpha's Prey [Alpha-series (I)]

Chapter 11

“I’ve been thinking about going into martial arts myself a couple of times”, I confessed. “It’s a sport that has always interested me.”

Meanwhile, we were out of the arena and roaming the woods again.

“Why didn’t you go for it?”, Caleb wondered.

The beautiful nature around us vanished as my mind wandered back to the horrible years I called my childhood.

“There was an incident with my mother when I was a child and I … I’ve never really gotten over it, I think.”

My voice cracked. Never before had I told anyone the truth about this dreadful day – not even Dr. Dukas, my psychotherapist. But I wanted Caleb to know, needed him to know, to accept all of me, the good and the bad.

“As you know, she was a drug addict. Has been all my life. When she was high, she was either super happy – or super pissed. If the later was the case, she would usually … she would insult me. Accuse me of being the sole reason for all her misfortunes while vandalizing our apartment.”

Don’t look at me like that, you worthless brat! Think you are something better, don’t cha? Well, little princess, hate to break it to you, but without me, you’d be nothing, you hear me? NOTHING! They are just interested in you because I am your mother! You would have never gotten into the model business if not for me! Nobody cares about you, no one!

Like grotesque background music, the sound of various objects being smashed or thrown against the wall accentuated her tantrums, the repugnant loud noises painfully ringing in my ears.

“She never turned violent against me though, not physically at least. But then, this article was published. A paparazzi made her addiction public and some ugly pictures were going through the media. During one of her highs, her manager informed her she had been busted and then she …”

I heavily swallowed, my lips shivering.

“Out of the blue she walked up to me and … and slapped me. Hard. It happened so fast I didn’t understand what was going on at first. All I could see were her furious, sad eyes, staring at me filled with pure hate. Then, she slapped me again. And again. And when she attempted to slap me a fourth time, I … I pushed her.”

The last words came out no more than a whisper.

“Being drugged as she was, she lost her balance and crashed into the glass-table behind her. There was so much blood …”

The horrifying picture had burned itself into my memory and I knew I would never be able to forget it: The lifeless body of my mother, lying on the white fluffy living room carpet that slowly turned red. To this day, it hunted me in my darkest nightmares.

“Soon after, an ambulance arrived. I don’t remember having called one, but I guess I had somehow. Her head was severely injured, but the doctors worked a miracle and she recovered. Everyone blamed her fall on the drugs, and she never objected.”

Lost in thought, I held my hands up and looked at my palms. They looked so small, so innocent, yet they could end a life in mere seconds.

“It was my fault. I pushed her. I … I almost … “

I couldn’t hold the tears anymore, couldn’t say another word. Caleb wrapped his arms around me and soothingly caressed my back. I leaned into him, thankfully taking in the warmth of his body.