How long has it been. 57 years? I think at least. It's been a while.
I wonder how it would be like. Maybe I wouldn't have felt as empty. Maybe I would've found love again. Start a new maybe?
But at the end of the day these are empty thoughts and it's selfish of me running away from the problem when you're who knows where afraid, cold and probably hurt. I tried finding you for 5 years i did. Should I have tried harder. I feel terrible for giving up. Because if I give up then you'd be dead but your not dead.
No, you can't be dead. But it's hard not to think of that. You've been gone for so long. Am I being selfish for wanting to move on? To release myself from all the pain I've been feeling all my life?
Yes, i am. I'm selfish. You were my child. And i couldn't protect you. I wasn't strong enough. And yet I have the nerve to ask for a rest. All my suffering. I deserve it, you needed me and now your scared, alone and lost.
You never deserve anything that happened. The world is cruel and unjust. I failed as a parent and I'm sorry for your unfair suffering
