what goes on in my mind

people's opinions

I feel like I used to care a lot about people's opinions. Now I barely think about it anymore. Why though? How have I changed? How has my mindset changed? 

I think about that a lot. I know one big thing that made me confident was definitely Jesus, because He always loves us. 

But, it took a lot more for me to actually be where I am right now. Last year I was by far at my worst. Now I'm way better. I had my worst ever mental breakdown 3 days before new year's eve and that was when I decided that I can't live like this anymore. 

My friendships at that time were questionable and made me mentally ill. When the new year started the friendship started to lose its importance in my life. The people were not my priority anymore. They were mentally ill and broke me with that. When I decided I didn't want to be stuck in that cycle of sadness that they constantly pushed me into, they stopped accepting and validating me. 

It hurt, but I got over it. Just like I got over everything else. But faster. 

Now I know that I'm worth a lot more than a sexuality, my "masculinity", and the way I saw certain people. We are people with our own minds, we are all capable of having our own opinions. Isn't that great? We can still accept people who don't think the same. 

If you think you can't do it, you can. I could when I was at my worst. You can too. You will never stop hating yourself if you don't change anything about it. How are you "getting better" by getting worse every day. "Everything comes to an end one day." We like to say stuff like that a lot. But why does that magically exclude the bad things? If you work for it changing, it will literally change. The bad things will also come to an end one day. But don't expect it to happen just randomly. You need to do something for it. It can be little, doesn't matter, but, think about it this way. 0 + 0 can never be 1 without you adding something to it.

Work on it. It will get better. If you need to talk about it, if you need advice, if you need a listener, I'm here. I'm here to help you get better. Remember to drink water, eat your food and take care of yourself. I love you. Even when no one else seems to. 

Stay safe y'all<3