bored

why is it still raining? i did what i was supposed to. that's not fair.

'rain. it's raining,' thought richie. his eyes were wide, conscience practically gone as he stared at the window from the floor. 'i'm not a faggot.'

richie slowly stood, entire body trembling as he did so. relieved to have a one story house, richie propped open the window and slowly but surely slid out.

he walked through the pouring rain, head down with a heavy feel in his chest. he didn't want to cry. richie hated crying. made him feel weak, less like a man, more like a fairy.

so he tried to avoid it at any cost. no matter how brutal his situation was turning out to be. but, tonight felt different. it felt like the weight in his throat and chest was pounding. it was heavy. richie wanted to scrunch his face up and feel the relaxing yet head-pounding emotion of released stress, but didn't know what to do.

richie trotted through the large puddles on the sidewalk, clothes and hair completely drenched. he couldn't tell if the reason his face was also soaked was because of the rain, accidental tears, or both, but he — for some reason — liked the feeling. it was soothing.

richie looked up, just now studying his surroundings. he had no clue where he was, but felt magnetically forced to be this place. standing in a patch of grass in a field that he had no clue where it led to, and wouldn't know as long as there was no light.

he collapsed, knees and legs giving out on supporting his body weight, and fell to the ground, hands on the wet, cold grass. his lip began to quiver, throat began to burn, and eyes began to water as he let a sob escape.

it felt amazing. he let it all start to flow out of him, not exactly caring about how loud he was due to the fact that this was a random area where no one was around.

richie screamed as he cried, punching the grass and reiterating the word "stupid" over and over again. richie's hair caught in his wide mouth, which he didn't care enough to move. he felt weak. like he had no control over his entire body. it scared him. but this was relaxing.

richie's nose began to run as tears fell from his eyes without hesitation nor pause. he didn't know how he was going to stop, but knew it would be difficult to after finally taking every single emotion that he had held inside and letting it all out into the cold, rainy night.

he could hear his own sobs echoing through the empty void of black and grass, but didn't seem to care. he was focused on replaying every moment someone had screwed him over.

that night. worst beating of his life. all because he was a so called 'faggot' in both of his parents' eyes. last week when henry did unimaginably awful things to richie, like slowly slicing the boy's skin open with his pocket knife, forcing him to attempt suicide multiple times in multiple ways, and even embarrassing him in front of the losers by showing him passed out in henry's arms, who's main intention was to hurt him.

the pounding memories that flooded richie's brain only flooded richie's eyes with more tears, adding to the wet rain a bunch of painful sobs and sharp breaths.

"i hate you, i hate you, i hate you," richie screamed between sobs. "i fucking hate you! fuck! fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!"

he felt exhausted. both physically and mentally. but at the same time, the tears that rolled down his rosy cheeks, the shaky, private screams for help, the gasps for air between each sob, the ability to yell as loud as needed, all of that made richie feel satisfied on the inside. but not satisfied enough to stop the sobs.

his eyes burned in anger as tears continuously formed in them, only to fall along with the harsh impact of the pouring rain. as he listened to the thunder, it was somehow a sound of comfort, as if it were saying, "don't cry, i'm here." as if it were some sort of sign to say that his brother was okay and didn't like to see him cry like this.

richie didn't care who saw nor heard him as long as he was able to let it all out. of course, it would matter, because richie would never dream of having someone watch or hear him cry. especially not like this. but, if someone were to hear him cry, it had to have been like this, because he would not be crying unless it was something so painful that he couldn't bare not to.

"holy fuck," someone said. "i thought i heard you. richie, calm down.."

"g.. go.." richie gasped, smacking the boy's arms and body.

"i need to get you out of the rain, chee. you might get sick—" eddie started, only to be shoved back by richie, who inhaled deeply.

"GO AWAY!" he screamed. eddie's eyes widened as his face dropped completely. after a solid thirty seconds, he slowly cupped richie's face and prompted him to look up.

"hey, look at me, rich," panicked eddie. richie grabbed eddie's forearm, too exhausted to try and push it away. "what's wrong?! what happened?! are you hurt?!"

"no.. i'm just not okay, okay?! leave me alone," richie sobbed, losing breath by the second. he didn't take a moment to breath for the entire sentence. eddie's eyebrows were nearly touching due to being to scrunched together.

"oh, come here, rich," he said sadly, holding richie in a comforting hug. richie's loud sobs were now muffled by eddie's shirt as he cried into his shoulder without hesitation. he didn't have any anger left in him. he was just sad. just sad.

eddie had one arm snaked around richie's waist, the other holding the upper part of richie's back as it curved up, and his hand rested on the back of richie's head. eddie intertwined his fingers in richie's hair, whispering sweet things to him to calm him down.

"why are you here..?" richie sobbed after some time. eddie sighed.

"i could hear you. and i knew that was you the second i heard it," the short boy admitted.

richie sniffed. "you've never hear-heard me cry.. though."

"you're right, i haven't," eddie said, putting out of the hug and leaving his hands on richie's shoulders. "so what happened? you don't ever cry."

richie put his face over his hands, and eddie held both hands around richie's head which he had brought into his own shoulder.

"i don't wanna talk.." he sobbed.

"that's alright. let it out. i'm here."

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notes:

wow
i just fucking wrote that descriptive ass shit without a single pause
we're not doing all too good here fellers