𝗠𝗶𝗹𝗮

Chapter Four

Milana Alyona Vasiliev
Paralyzed by NF

"Guess what?" Emilia asks me as she jumps on my bed. I look at her, not really paying much attention. She rolls her eyes at me and then grabs my face with both of her hands and flashes me a big smile. "It's my birthday!"

I wish I could find in myself the same joy Emilia is transmitting, but the image of Ana's face won't leave my head. I robbed her of many birthdays and festivities, and the thought alone brings tears to my eyes. But instead of curling myself and crying, I try to smile as I look at Emilia and when the words finally come out of my mouth, my voice is raspy and low. "Happy birthday."

"I know you haven't been feeling good so I decided we could do a little something since it's my birthday." Emilia says, her voice wavering as her confidence lowers. She gets up from the bed and offers me her hand so I can get up too.

I'm hesitant at first but since it's her birthday I decide on doing whatever she wants. She leads me to a more open part of the room and I look at her with frowned brows. "What are you doing?" I ask, my throat hurts from being used. Since what happened to Ana I haven't been able to talk much, it's like the words get caught on my throat.

"We're going to have a dancing party." She tells me with a big smile and hopeful eyes.

"But there's no music." I complain trying to get myself out of this situation. We don't have music and I also don't feel like dancing. I can barely get up after what I did.

"We don't need music." She starts to jump and make some weird movements while laughing. Emilia looks at me expectedly with her hands on her hips. "Come on! As long as we have each other we don't need anything else."

She grabs my hand on hers and makes me swirl and then starts jumping, at the same time she starts to hum a song. I try to seem as enthusiastic but there's still that murmuring voice in the back of my head that keeps on reminding me that I don't deserve anything, not even this little moment of joy.

Emilia keeps on dancing and I try to copy her just so that I can make her birthday a little more bearable but every time I catch myself feeling just a tiny bit better I remember what I did and how Ana will never be able to experience happiness again.

• • • • •

I press the blood red lipstick against my mouth as I look at my reflection in the mirror. Blue eyes stare back at me, both with a dark eyeshadow making the color of my eyes seem even lighter. My skin has so much makeup on that every time I press my finger against it a little bit of the color comes off, still, it looks really good.

A black lacy dress awaits for me with black high heels by the bed. I put it on and the fabric hugs my body tightly, accentuating my silhouette. The heels are very uncomfortable but as I put it on I don't let it show how much it pains me. Throughout the weeks Georgia had us learn how to walk properly on them, and even when I would twist my ankle she would have me continue on walking.

I know it's not broken but it is something. My ankle has swollen double its size and has an ugly purple bruise in it. Every time I walk it sends a strong pain through my ankle and foot, but I don't have the privilege of waiting for it to heal.

I make my way out of my room at the same time Emilia walks out of hers. She walks my way and grabs my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. "Are you okay?"

I nod my head and look down, trying to hide the way my eyes have watered. Emilia grabs my face with both of her hands, ever so gently, and lifts my head so that I'm looking at her. She kisses my forehead and whispers against my hair as her arm envelopes me in a warm hug. "We're going to be alright, no matter what."