Gone With The Wind

Lost Love

Songs I listen to while writing this, so you can feel my thoughts :) you're welcome! "Favorite crime-slow and reverb" "bored-slowed" "Diamonds-muffled and slowed" "traitor- slowed"

Hinata's POV

How did this come to be? Why is it that all of a sudden me and Kageyama are... together? I don't even understand what we are. But we're definitely not just friends. Friends with benefits.. maybe? Who knows. Maybe I'll just ask him.

We're currently walking to my house to "finish what we started this morning" as he said. But why does Kageyama seem so eager to be with me? I'm not saying I'm complaining, really, but I feel he's taking it to quickly. If he truly wants to be with me, why's he rushing it? It's not like I'm going anywhere.

"What's on your mind?" His words snap me back to the real world. "What?" I look at him as we continue walking. "You look stuck in thought." He smiles gently. "What's up?'

"Oh nothing." I greet his smile with one of my own. "Just admiring the world.. i guess." My lie is so obvious, it's laughable. But he doesn't question me further. Instead, he grabs my hand, interlocking our fingers. See! He's so bound on us being something. And it's so out in the open. Is he trying to claim me? Trying to tell the world I'm his. Maybe he's scared someone might try to take me from him.

"Kageyama." I look at him as we continue walking. "Yeah?" He smiles down at me when he speaks. His reaction forces me to bite my tongue. I can't bring words out for what I want to know.

.....I can't.

So instead I just start small talk. When the time comes, I'll ask him. Ask him what he wants in our friendship? Relationship?

AGH!!! I don't even know what to call us! My mind is running so fast I'm sure it'd win a fucking race! I just need to think on it, find my words and ask him.

Somehow, I got me and Kageyama onto a different topic as we walk home. Which is a relief, I don't know why, but I just can't get myself to talk about a further relationship. I mean, I know why. But fuck! It's Kageyama. Why can't I just talk to him? It's driving me insane.
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Time passes, and we finally get to my house. When we enter, my Aunt greets us. I can see the hesitation in her eyes when she sees Kageyama knowing that it's a school night and he shouldn't sleep over, but as she remembers the situation her expression calms and she welcomes us home. We strip our shoes at the door and head to my room.

When we get to my room and the door is finally shut behind us, his hands are immediately on me. As he turns me around to face him, his tongue finds its way into my mouth as his hands explore my body. Every time he's come onto me, I've devoured him just like he does to me. But this time.... all I want is for him to stop.

But I don't know why. I know deep down what he does to me is what I desire from him. But why am I not enjoying what he's doing? He's not doing anything different.

As his arms explore my body, my arms stay rested at my sides and my expression stiff. Kageyama must read my reaction, because all of a sudden he stops. And his hands make their way to rest on my shoulder as he stares into my blank eyes. "Hinata." His face looks.... regretful? Sad? Fuck! I can't even read him. This is so frustrating! "What's wrong?"

"I...." I don't even know

"Did I hurt you?" He grabs my face gently.

"I... No!" My words come out louder than I expected, and I cover my mouth with my hands. "No... I don't know what wrong with me." I say through my cupped hands.

He hesitates, shocked and trying to read me. His eyes move back and forth, trying to understand my expressions. Soon, he gives up, wrapping his arms around me in a warm embrace. "Nothing is wrong with you." He speaks quietly in my ear. "Let's just sleep. We need our energy for the tournament tomorrow."