It was him, he was finally in front of me.
My breath paused as I looked at him and it felt like the world made sense again. Our eyes connected and we both breathed out at the same time. Staying apart had felt like we had been living half a life, our other half had been missing after all. I forgot the world around us as I gravitated towards his intense eyes, the ones that always drew me in. The ones I had learnt initially to never look into directly - for what I saw in their depths scared me. The raw emotions he possessed towards me were too much for me to handle initially. Over time I had learnt to bravely look into the deep trenches of his soulful eyes and confidently face that rawness. But it was always filled with a tinge of euphoria as I resisted the pull even though my body and mind gravitated towards him naturally. The way our fingers seemed to be drawn to each other. The way our bodies fit perfectly in with each other as we would walk side by side - the small distance between us aching to be closed.
It felt like the clock had reset on our story and we were to experience that similar longing and ache, but with a twist. We were already married, so why the hesitation?
~
Anuj walked up to the assembly of people but his eyes never left me. I had broken eye contact but I could sense his gaze on me as he stalked over with his typical powerful stride. The noises around me faded into oblivion as he drew nearer and I was washed over with the scent of his cologne - my favorite one. My head snapped up as I felt him settle himself directly in front of me. It was as if the world around us didn't exist. Without a word spoken, ignoring the family & wedding festivities around us, I walked towards his car and he silently followed. We never did have to convey much to understand each other. He opened the door for me, forever the gentleman my husband was.
I was oddly calm and tumultuous inside as we drove away from the dazed spectators who watched our silent reunion with astonishment etched on their faces. The lack of a public display of an emotional breakdown and the disbelief of missing out on a spectacle wreaked havoc on their petty minds.
The air crackled with tension between us, the undeniable spark of energy that surrounded us whenever we were together. It was what had drawn us together in the first place and the very feeling I had denied to accept for so long. My mind had cautioned me constantly when I first met him, as I deliberately ignored the signs of our unseen connection; sensing that this was deeper than anything I had ever experienced. The pull he had on my senses had been undeniable but I pushed down those dangerous emotions as I navigated the forbidden road of "friendship". It would be deadly for the both of us as we went down this path. Deadly dangerous or deadly delicious.
I had lost track of time and our location, it felt like a century had passed in a second as we pulled up to our old apartments. I flashed a glance at him in surprise and quickly snapped my face back forward upon seeing his dark gaze already on me. He got out silently and walked over and opened the door. I bypassed his extended hand, it was too soon. He followed me as we briskly walked through the familiar landscape - the origins of our love story.
~
We both could see the shadows of our former young-love selves framed in each corner; him running up the stairs and setting his hair before knocking on my door; me leaning against the door frame as I gazed at his retreating form while he made his way back to his own apartment at the stroke of midnight.
The soulful gazes fringed with a touch of desire as we had navigated the new territory of transitioning into lovers from the "strangers turned friends". The hesitant touches that now dared to break the carefully crafted boundaries of propriety - now increasing in intensity as we progressed slowly but steadily. The boldness that emerged from my shy poet delighting me as I dove deeply, without any guards, into his enigmatic eyes that conveyed so much more than what would be deemed proper in society.
They say a poets' words convey the inner stirrings of his heart, but have you met a poet who can converse just with his eyes?
For I could read shayari in his eyes. The shayaris that could never be penned down. The shayaris that could only be whispered between lovers. The ones that would redden the ears of any nosy bystanders. The ones that were only meant for his muse, Me, if I wished to see it.
If only I had dared to unravel them earlier.
~
I shivered as I brushed past his form while he held the door open for me and we briefly locked eyes. Both of us could sense the others' coiled tension and as the door clicked shut behind us - the energy in the room was palpable. It felt like an eternity had passed before I dared to turn around - not willing to face his stormy face again. Looking up from the floor as I pressed my hands together, rummaging up the courage finally, I looked at him and my heart sank.
He was looking down as he scuffed the floor with his foot. His hands, unsure where to be, were placed behind his back. The corners of my lips couldn't help but tug upwards as he reminded me of a lost child, terrified of the reprimanding he was about to receive. I breathed in deeply, and took the first step towards him.
He stepped forward, almost instinctively, before catching himself and took two steps backward. The distance between us shortened with each step, but why did it feel like the vast ocean separating us hadn't reduced even an inch?
Finally, we were face to face, rather my face to his chest as he towered over me. He naturally curled himself towards me as if he would shelter me from any storm with his large form. It was the form of a protector, a caring friend, a tender husband and a possessive lover.
I pulled my face underneath his, fitting perfectly in the space underneath his neck as I peered into his trembling eyes - with but an inch of distance away from each other. Close enough to feel each other's breath, but far enough that we craved to close the physical separation. Eager to let go of our inhibitions but terrified of crossing that step.
I placed my cheek on his chest finally. We both shivered and automatically pressed closer as the familiarity our bodies had learned over these past months kicked in. Our souls and bodies didn't need to be instructed on how to be together, a lesson that our minds could very well learn.
~
