Nostalgia

Chapter 2: Still There

Song for this chapter:

Josephine

As I exit the studio my body feels electic. Literally buzzing. I can still feel his eyes on me. His smell. That intoxicating scent that's distinctly him. Both earthy and minty all at once, mingled with the remnants of stale cigarette smoke. Something that on anyone else I might find bothersome.

 But on him? Its comforting. Familiar.

Devastating.

I let out a sigh as the dry LA wind blows cool against my flushed, heated cheeks.  Finding myself less than surprised to confirm that his effect on me is still as strong as ever.

Fuck.

I close my eyes, taking a second to compose myself against the studio door.

At least I got through it.

I re-adjust my purse and start walking in the direction of the cafe that I had promised my friend Elle I would meet her at this afternoon.

She knew that I would be doing this today, and that more than likely I would be needing someone to talk to after. As well as an excuse to get out of there quickly. She pretty much insisted. Looking out for me as always. 

I honestly did not think I would make it through this morning. And I mentally pat myself on the back for surviving that interview without incident. Grateful that this time there most likely won't be material for any more viral videos of me looking fucking uncomfortable.

I could kick myself for not better hiding my emotions that day.

My agent has been on me non stop about attending some of the promo events for "After Everything".

I didn't attend the premier, and apparently after having already done the same for the last film she couldn't keep quiet about it anymore.

She is insistent that if I don't do something, I could seem "ungrateful" for what the series and the fans have done for me. Especially with all the rumors floating around within the fan base over the last year. She's been reminding me constantly that what matters at the end of the day is what those in the industry think, and how it could affect future Job offers.  So I agreed... but I mean honestly most of the fans seem to be on my side in this whole thing.  So I don't really see what the issue is.  I have to just bite my tounge on that one though. 

I hate that it has come to this. I am not at all ungrateful for what my role in these films has afforded me. It's given me freedom within my career and the most amazing fan base. I will be forever in debt to Tessa. To Anna. To all of it. And these films will always have a special place in my heart.

Unfortunately, it's just not that simple for me anymore. I wish it was. Really, I do.

I'm well aware that choosing to not be involved in filming any new scenes for the 5th movie has caused a lot of negative press for Voltage... for Hero even. And I am remorseful that that's the case. It was never what I intended. But when we finished filming After Ever Happy I truly felt that we were done. That I had told Tessa's story and done it justice. It was something that I had been mentally preparing myself for throughout filming the last 2 films.

Letting go.

And when we finally wrapped, it was bittersweet to say the least. I was a mess. Hero nearly found me crying in my trailer and I had to clean myself up quickly before we said our goodbyes for the camera.