Damaged

Who Am I?

        Who am I? Why am I like this? Why do people continuously abuse power they themselves don't even have? Because the same way they abuse their powers towards me it's the same way there's a bigger head above them that could easily ruin their own life and I might end up being the one in power to provide the help they denied me.
       I listen to them daily curse on the name of others behind their backs and as soon as those people reach out to communicate with them they're the biggest lovers, friends or partners, while me on the other end is left to bare the pain that others left. The problem is now me or on me because I'm the only one they're in a position to rule over, to toss their pain on, to ruin my life, to curse or to blame.
     No one understands how good you can hide pain after you've adopted to it always being issued to you. After a time even you yourself will be fooled that you're healed only to realize you've just gotten good at hiding it! The biggest smile, the happiest friend, the kindest stranger, the one to uplift and encourage but who's left to do all that for you when it's your turn? Who'll be there in your corner as a shoulder to cry on? A back to carry you? Arms to hug you? Most likely a stranger, someone totally unknown by you. Why? Because even the people around you are also fooled by your ability to hide pain so well that they are no longer able to identify when you might be hurt. You've worn your mask so well that now all they see is the joy you bring, how vibrant you are the fake smile you wear that has now reflect as a real one to them. What they should see is you, the real you away from the crowd, the you that only You know, the you behind the mask, the damaged you, the you that cry at nights, just you.
     They'll see you when it's too late. When you're no longer able to pour your energy to give them life, no longer the life of the moment, no longer the first to laugh, no longer able to hide the pain, to wear the mask, to get out of bed, to be a friend, to give advise they'll see you, but only when it's too late. Only then they'll realize that all that you were giving, you needed it yourself. At that time they'll see how draining it must've been for you to take their pain because now they'll have to bring it all themselves and they'll see how much you were really lifting and how little they appreciated it because they were now getting used to placing it all on you that now they've forgotten how heavy it really is.