Dilemma

Prologue

"I now invite Jennifer and Elizabeth's family and friends to say a few words, if they wish."

Father Cole steps down from the pulpit and returns to his seat behind the altar. The inconsolable sobs of our family and friends fill the church with the sound; the sound of grief at its worst. I don't fail to notice Father Cole wiping his eyes in a futile attempt to hide the fact that he's crying, he saw mom and Jennifer grow up, I can't imagine how he felt when he found out about the accident.

Tears are blurring my vision but they're not of sadness or grief. They're tears of anger and guilt because I have the power to alleviate their pain but at the same time I'm completely powerless. I haven't uttered a single word to anyone because I'm afraid that if I open my mouth the secret will come tumbling out.

That secret... That promise that I can't break no matter how much I want to. No matter how much seeing Drew sob inconsolably is killing me.

"Uhm..." An inaudible gasp escapes my lips at the sound of his voice. He's standing at the pulpit, red-eyed and shaking, with a piece of paper in his hands. "I..." His eyes survey the room until they meet mine. "I have to admit, I've never cried this much in my entire life. I've also never felt this much pain." His words are making the guilt tearing me apart stronger. "Because I didn't just lose my mom. I lost two moms." He takes a deep breath. "I lost the carefree mom who's words of consolation were 'grow a pair and man up'." A round of teary laughter follows his words. "And the energetic but strict mom who made a hobby out of dragging me away by the ear when she wanted to scold me so that I couldn't escape her wrath." There's another round of laughter. "They were weren't just my moms, they were my best friends, my sisters... They were the two most important women in my life and now... they're my guardian angels." His voice cracks and a fresh batch of tears begin streaming down his cheeks.

Unable to cope, I stand up. All eyes become trained on me; they think I'm going to say a few words too. Instead of running up onto the altar and embracing Drew in a tight hug like I desperately want, I turn around and run down the aisle as fast my feet will take me towards the door.

The tears blurring my vision begin flowing freely down my cheeks the moment I step out of the church into the warm summer morning. Oh the irony. In between sobs I utter two words that get whisked away, unheard, by the warm summer breeze.

"I'm sorry..."