Growing up I was considered the black sheep of the family. Always feeling like I was the odd one out, whether it was because I was the only lefty out of the six of us, or the only one with blue eyes, mental illnesses, being tall, my body was shaped differently than the rest of my family, interests were vastly differently, or a thousand other things I could probably think of that made me feel left out, an outsider in my own home, if you will. Something was always brought to my attention by family of things I did that were consider obscure by them. Always having something negative to say about me. Things like that take a toll on you. From an early age I was being called 'the milk man's baby', as a child it confused me. As I got older, I was able to make sense of that comment that I been hearing my entire life. In my head the conclusion was simply I didn't fit in with them ever.
As I got older, things got harder for me, I'll save you the long drawn out story and just give you the Spark Notes version of it; There was a constant argument going on in my house growing up, mainly around me. At eighteen, one month before I was about to graduate high school I was kicked out of my house. Once again making me feel unlovable, however it was a very familiar feeling, so I was quite used to it.
I ended up moving in with one of my classmates' family. I hardly knew her, other than talking in our first period class we had together, but she gave me something I'll never be able to repay her, or her family for. They gave me a sense of belonging, a sense of love, that I so badly craved for my whole life. These people didn't even know me and they took me under their wing, like I was one of their own, and for that I'm internally grateful for them. What I thought was just going to be a roof over my head turned into something much more greater than that. They showed me how a family should be like, how to make a house into a home, and to find comfort in those around you who love you. For once in my life, I no longer dreaded going home, I look forward to it. Knowing I would be going home to those few great individuals who loved me, no matter the flaws or baggage I was carrying with me daily.
Two years I lived in that home until I moved into my own, but this story isn't about me moving on, on my own, this story is about them. Many nights were revolved around my baggage busting at the seams, and spilling over for them all to see, but I wasn't scared of them seeing my mess. For once I was able to receive help cleaning up my mess, rather than making me do it on my own. They always took the time to fold my clothes for me, and organize my belongings when ever that happened. It never matter how big the mess was, they were there one hundred present of the time.
I remember my guidance counselor in high school told me that family doesn't have to be blood related, and that didn't make sense to my small sixteen year old brain. I understood it when these stranger took me into their home and let me make it my own. Many of my core memories reside on Wildcat Falls. I was finally able to become the person I had been craving to be for years. Express myself in how I looked, who I talked too, what I talked about and much more. I was happy with my life there. For the first time I felt content about who I was becoming. The freedom to self expression was something I had never experience in my life time before. There was no more of me hiding in the shadows, as they loved me for me and nothing less. They became the constant, and to this day still remain one of the few I know I can rely onto for help when I need help cleaning up my broken luggage.
There I was throwing a party of everyone I knew, but my biological family was no where to been seen. This party was the first once I was able to be my true authentic self, and man, did that feel good. To let loose and enjoy the smaller things that were at my disposal for once. To not have to stress about the aftermath of it all. I felt at home, with the ones I learned to love, the ones who will have an endless amount of love me. Those small few, they are my new family and I'm happy they chose me, what a life I live.
You can start family who will always show you love.
