APH America One Shots

Hope

There's no context for this honestly 😭 Alfred is just the best character to trauma dump on.

"You hate me."

The room fell completely still, the words lingering in the air.

"I do," he agreed easily, smiling thinly. "But I never really liked myself all that much to began with."

The younger version of him visibly flinched at the words. "Way to be brutal, man."

"Honest." He corrected. "Honesty is not brutality."

The boy sniffed, looking unsure now. "I guess I just haven't learned as much as you yet. Haven't learned anything really."

He paused, contemplating the words. "No. I'm just the version of you that had to already survive what you're living. I'm just further ahead in the sewers."

Scrunching up his nose in disgust, young Alfred scowled. "Why the sewers?"

Alfred smiled at the familiar expression he's seen in photos many times. "There are a lot of words not meant for a kids' ears that can describe our life a lot better."

Young Alfred seemed to close down on himself after that. The look of unease and uncertainty was all too clear on the his face as he locked eyes with the floor. "How did you make it? What's there to hope for if everything stays the same in the future?"

All the air was punched out of him in the single moment, and an all too familiar ache spread throughout his chest.

"Surviving. Surviving no matter what it costs, because if I'm dead then I won't get to make any kind of difference anymore." He crouched down in front of his other self, wincing at the all too familiar weariness and tiredness that haunted his blue eyes. "I'd rather hope than give up. And when I stop choosing to hope, then life becomes pointless."

"Hope for what?!" His other self spat, eyes filled with tears and so so much anger. "What is there to hope for?! I have nothing! My family doesn't talk to me, nobody takes me seriously, and I'm just so confused with how to run things correctly! I don't know what to do anymore. And I-I'm so alone." His voice dropped on the last word, his shoulders slumping in what appeared to be exhaustion.

Alfred pressed his lips in a thin line before he let out a breath. "Hope that you find a shiny penny on the street."

"What?"

"Hope that you win the prize for guessing how many gum balls are in the jar. Hope you make it to the next green light before it turns red. Hope you can wake up early enough to see the sun rise in the morning. Hope that you can see someone you love smile again."

He placed a hand on his younger self's shoulder. "You don't need to understand life, or overcome every tragedy it throws at you, you have to hope. Even though it never really gets better you have to choose to hope. Even when there's nothing left you can choose to hope. Because if you have hope you can survive, because you're looking for the smallest thing to hold onto."

Young Alfred rubbed at his eye, trembling slightly. "And when you're all alone? When nobody's there?"

The question felt a lot like being punched in the gut. Alfred cleared his throat, blinking back the tears that threatened to escape. "You'll have to choose to hope for someone who chases all the gloom away for you.

The boy looked at him for a moment, contemplating the truth behind his words. "Or learn to chase the gloom away. That's what you did. You learned how to be okay."

And there was no way for Alfred to hold back the tears now. "No. I had to learn it's okay to not be okay. Being sad and upset doesn't make you a bad person. When you snap and lash out, it doesn't make you a irredeemable monster. It means you have a right to not be okay for now."

"For now?"

"For now." Alfred repeated, giving him a watery smile. "Because bad is inevitable, but that also means good is inevitable too. They can't exist in their extremes without each other."

The young boy in front of him choked out his next words, so quiet that Alfred had to lean in to hear them. "I never expected to still be here, you know. I was surprised to see you."

"I know." His voice broke. "I know. But we did it anyways."

"And is still worth it? Even without him?"

Alfred chuckled at that. Some things never changed after all. "Yeah, yeah it's worth it. We made it worth it."