The time is 10:45 am and I am standing on Platform 9 3/4, waiting for Theo and Blaise to arrive before we load onto the train together, sitting in our usual booth in the very back corner of the trains last car.
I spy them walking towards me from the right, sending a small wave my way to let me know they've spotted me. I simply nod my head once to return the message. Taking a couple steps towards them as they walk up to meet me has us meeting right at the entrance to the train as we walk on, one by one. We don't say a word to each other as we do, walking straight on back to our usual spot.
We've already sat down at the table by the time Blaise speaks up, "decent summer, Malfoy?" He's always been the more talkative one of the three of us. I can't say i hate him for it, considering someone needs to fill the silence.
"Alright" i say, meeting his eyes for just a second before turning my head towards the window and leaning my elbow agains the edge, resting my head on my hand. Theo doesn't say a word as the train starts to move, slowly but surely transporting us to Hogwarts.
I don't mind the trip, so long as no one bothers me. I find that simple conversation annoys me more than it entertains me. Maybe because i know that there are darker things in this world and it feels pointless trying to pretend otherwise with meaningless conversations about nothing. I think Theo and I are the same in that aspect, whom i've always felt more close to.
The three of us have known each other for as long as i can remember, our parents running in the same social circles; being pureblood and all. Blaise has always had a more careless outlook on things, maybe that's because his father wasn't as close to the Dark Lord as Theo and I's fathers were. He hadn't been sent on as many missions as Theo and I have, allowing his sanity to stay somewhat intact i suppose.
The three of us say nothing else, sitting in silence for the duration of the train ride. No one else daring to bother us. Only Slytherin sat in the back train car, and they all knew attempting conversation would be fruitless.
I felt relatively calm since i was able to take a bump before arriving at the train station, so i was content for duration of the ride. I also felt comfortable with the knowledge that we were traveling to Hogwarts. My home away from home — even though the Manor doesn't feel like a home anymore, only a house. A house of horrors. I find more peace here at school for these ten months, save for the two week holidays that i dread each year.
While i feel more at peace here at school, a large part of me knows that that peace will soon come crumbling down, thanks to the Dark Lord.
My drug use is usually kept to a very small amount while i'm here at school too, but knowing what's coming has riddled me with stress and anxiety, so I will most likely be paying the Weasley twins a visit more frequently than I typically care to. I can't handle these tasks sober, I just can't. I already can't live with myself. I'll probably end up in St. Mungo's soon if i don't get my fix on a regular basis.
Once the train came to a stop, everyone except for the three of us stood up to start filing out. We always waited to be the last to get off so that we didn't have anyone walking up behind us, and partly because I can't handle being so close to other people. I'd rather keep my distance walking behind everyone else.
As we're walking through the woods towards Hogsmeade village, I overhear a group of Ravenclaw girls dressed in their blue and black robes chatting about a back to school party in the abandoned bathroom on the 4th floor of the castle.
"Any of the houses are invited it seems, so i think we should go," the shorter brunette one says to the two girl to her left. "I don't know who's throwing the party though, probably a Slytherin. They're known for throwing wild parties." An excited look on her face shows that she hasn't been to a Slytherin party. Nor does she know what actually takes place. She would be better off going to a Hufflepuff party, where all they do is smoke weed and lounge in their common room while listening to muggle music and talking.
Slytherin parties are where you go if you're an addict. Whether that be to the drugs, the drinking, or the pussy. Considering the party is being thrown in an abandoned bathroom that nobody has frequented in at least 50 years, I think it's safe to say that there's going to be a lot of all of it happening.
Of course i will be going, not to simply make an appearance because everyone is expecting me too, being the son of a Death Eater and all, but because i need the distraction. I need the warmth — of the drugs in my veins, the alcohol in my blood, and the warmth of a pretty cunt wrapped around my cock. I need it more than my next breath.
By now we've already passed through Hogsmeade and are almost at the front entrance to the castle when Blaise speaks up, "you guys going, right?"
Theo and i share a quick look at each other and smile slightly. "Obviously," I retort for both Theo and I a second later, glancing at the small group of girls ahead of us. The short brunette on the right was already looking over her left shoulder back at the three of us, her eyes landing right on mine.
She quickly smiles tightly to herself as she turns her head back around and continues walking with her friends, right up the stairs, to her common room most likely. I tell myself that I will certainly be finding her later. I must have made that thought too obvious because Blaise and Theo were both looking at me, eyes wide and smiling as if they could read my mind. I simply rolled my eyes and kept walking.
We made our way down to the dungeons where the Slytherin common room was located, immediately peeling off into our own rooms with nothing more than a nod towards the other as we stalked off in different directions.
7th year students get their own rooms thankfully, so i don't have anyone bothering me about how i spend my time or what i do with myself when i'm alone. I don't like explaining myself. The only person who knows about the coke is Theo, and that's only because we accidentally bumped into each other on the corner where i pick up, clearly there for the same reason, only Theo wasn't there for coke. His baggie was full of a slightly darker substance. We never spoke of that instance again or acknowledged that the other may have a problem.
We had been raised in very similar manners, hence why Theo and I's fathers are part of the innermost circle with the Dark Lord. We coped in our own private way and sharing our feelings about it would turn us into sensitive pussies instead of the Death Eaters we were raised to be.
Slamming my door behind me, I immediately let out a deep sigh, as though i hadn't taken a proper breath for the last hour. I started to feel an intense drowsiness as soon as i stepped in my room, which could only mean one thing. I take out my small baggie of my favorite white powder and sprinkle some on the dresser. Arranging it into two lines with the edge of an old business card of my fathers that read 'Malfoy Apothecary' and then some names underneath, i then plug one nostril and snort one line, and then repeat on the other side with the second line.
A jolt of energy runs up my spine and i straighten my back to stand all the way up. Once again not looking myself in the mirror, "that should get me through until the party tonight," i tell myself out loud. Moments later I am crashing on the couch staring at the already ablaze fireplace located on the other side of my king size bed.
*****
I don't know how long i am sitting there in my thoughts as a knock rings through my bedroom. I must have dozed off because it was now dark outside and i know i've missed dinner in the Great Hall. Someone opens my door, but i don't start at who it is, it's just Theo coming to get me so we can head up to the party on the 4th floor. Theo, who's eyes immediately shoot towards my dresser with a knowing look. I don't bother to acknowledge the remnants of coke left over from earlier, and i don't bother mentioning it to him, what good would that conversation do for either of us anyway?
"Ready?" he asks, looking back towards me sitting on the green velvet couch.
"Hell yeah, I need a drink anyways right about now," I reply as I stand up and go for the door. Theo steps back from my door and out into the hall waiting for me. Stepping through the threshold and closing the door behind me, i don't bother to lock because no one would be stupid enough to sneak through my room. We stalk off towards the exit of the common room and up the stairs, making our way towards the 4th floor abandoned bathroom.
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Final word count: 1,650
hey again! i realize that's it's a lot of inner monologue so far from Malfoy, but his thoughts are important to the story and so far we've learned that he doesn't talk much anyways. don't worry tho, he'll find someone to talk to really soon 😉
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FanfictionHe hadn't lived a life of affection. He had no one to turn to, to talk to, to confide in - not that he'd want to anyways. His father taught him that displays of feelings made you sensitive. A pussy. There wasn't much he had done that didn't seem to...
