Addiction (D.M)

Chapter 7

The next week passes normally; class after class, day after day.

Stealing glances at Draco from across the classroom, and knowing that even though he won't smile at my with his mouth, i can see it in his eyes.

I'm mesmerized by his silver orbs, so much so that i have caught myself just staring into them on numerous occasions.

Oh yeah, and Draco and i have had many a snogging sessions. He always finds me after the classes that we are either together in, or separate, but not far from each other.

I know my assignment is to get close to him, and i am, but i'm starting to feel even more guilty than i was before, because i feel so two-faced. Like i'm using him. And, again, i am, but now i don't want to. Part of me wants to just completely forget about the Orders assignment for me and just enjoy Draco's presence.

And how bad is that? Not because he's a Death Eater, i'm well aware of how he was forced into taking the Mark, and that he's basically being controlled by Voldemort (the 'how' factor is to be determined) — thank you Snape for that valuable information that landed me in my current position — but because i know what i'm doing is for the greater good, but i don't want to do it anymore if i can protect Draco's feelings.

What if he found out? Why am i worrying so much about it? Am i actually starting to care for him? Yeah, i think i am.

I get back to my room and immediately hop into the shower so i can wash away the stress and thoughts. I need to study, but i need to be comfy first, or else i can't focus.

Once i'm in my pajamas, i settle at my desk and start to pull out my Charms textbook, but i end up also pulling my charmed notebook along with it.

The notebook was created by the head of the French Order, Lucille Lapin, and given to Snape to give to me. It basically serves as an owl, minus the owl. For the discreet effect, since i'm here under cover.

I'm supposed to check the notebook once a day, but honestly i've been so distracted with class and Draco — which technically means i'm doing my job well, although they don't need the specific details as to how — that i've practically forgotten about it.

Brushing off the quick panic that arises, i open to the 43rd page in the book, (yes, i have to count because the page can't be marked) i see a message left for me from Lucy.

Mise à jour sur la tâche Malfoy? (Update on the Malfoy Task?)

Great. I have to provide an update on my assignment. Granted, i knew i would have to at some point, but i'm not sure what to say. I should probably keep it brief and generic, so no suspicion arises about how close we actually are. They just need to know i'm making progress, that's all.

Nous parlons, mais il hésite à me laisser me lier d'amitié avec lui. Des progrès sont réalisés. (We talk, but he hesitates to let me make friends with him. Progress is being made.)

I'm not lying, not exactly.

As soon as i finish writing, i drop my quill and slam the notebook closed so that the message transfers to Lily's twin notebook. It won't take long for her to read the message, so i expect she'll write a reply soon. It is, after all, a very sensitive and important mission, so of course she is going to be on top of it.

My insides are twisting so much i'm becoming nauseous and i recognize the feeling to be immense guilt mixed with anxiety. I can't help but feel like i'm doing something wrong and Draco could walk in and catch me at any moment.

Why do i feel so afraid of hurting him? Is it because he's already been hurt so much that i don't want to be the one to hurt him even more? Or do i not want to hurt him because i have feel— no, i'm not acknowledging the thought. i can't.