Fall... [Billie Eilish Fanfic]

Chapter seven

Caution: There will be mentions of self harm in this chapter.

Lexi's pov:

I woke up to a woman's calm voice and for a second i forgot where I was. Until i felt Billie moving beside me. I slowly opened my eyes even though they would rather have stay closed.

"My mom says dinners ready" Billie mumble beside me in a extremely tired voice.

"Yea I should also get going now" I said and finally sitting up rubbing my eyes.

"What why?" Billie seemed rather confused.

"Didn't you just say that your dinner was ready?" I asked not understanding her confusion.

"I did" she says still with eyebrows furrowed.

"You're not staying for dinner?" She then asks me.

"I don't think so."

"Come on it'll be fun. Then you can also meet the people I've been bitching about"

Billie grabs my wrist and drag me into the kitchen.

"Mom Lexi is joining us for dinner. That cool?"

"Yes of course! The more the merrier" she smiled at me then adding "Also this is something new I came up with so I'll need at good panel of judges"

I thanked her and took out my phone to let my mom know. She probably hadn't even noticed I'd been gone all day. Nothing new though. 

We all sat down at the table. Me, Billie, her parents and a ginger I assumed was her brother.

As the conversation flowed I found myself smiling. I didn't remember the last time I had actually enjoyed a family dinner. Even though I wasn't family then it was still nice seeing some families work. At some point you kinda loose faith in that stuff when you don't really experience it for a while.

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Flashback

The silence was raging and the only sound breaking it was my moms fork that she aggressively yanked into the beef on her plate.

Her knuckles had turned white from how hard she gripped on to the cutlery. My dad sitting across from me pretended to be focused on his food while I was on the edge of crying.

My legs were shaking up and down no matter how hard I tried to stop it. I knew mom hated it. She said it stressed her. Which I get but I only did it if I was stressed or upset so I  ever really noticed the affect.

I twirled my fork around in my salad as I tried focusing on my breathing. When mom was in this mood anything I did was wrong in some way. So I always made sure to do as little as possible.

"Lexi eat your food and stop playing with it!" my mother said suddenly causing me to jump in my seat.

"Sorry" I mumble as I finally scooped some salad on my fork and put it in my mouth.

"What was that?" she said firmly.

"Nothing" I said immediately regretting it. Oh god. Here we go.

"I know you did not just give me an attitude!" she yelled.

I could feel her eyes burning right through me.

"Sorry" I said a little louder this time not daring to look her in the eye.

"No. You know what? I don't think you are sorry. I don't think you even think about how your actions are affecting this household. The people around you. I spent so long cooking that meal for YOU. Gave YOU food on the table. But you ungrateful brat you don't acknowledge any of it do you?" She screamed in my face.

"Mom I-"

"And you just sit there poking it with your fork like it's not edible! You listen to me now young lady! You are not leaving this table before your plate is clean! And that's final!"

With my leg shaking more than ever before I raised my fork with my trembling hand to my mouth. The tears filled my eyes. I hated being yelled at. But as I sat there with my mom watching over me like a hawk my eyes eventually gave in and let it stream down my face taking my mascara with it.

I could feel the puke in my throat as I ate the last bite on my plate. I looked at my mom with fear printed in my face. She didn't say anything but just nodded. I raised from my seat and took my dishes to the sink to clean up.

I practically ran into the bathroom and turned the faucet on. I lifted the toilet seat and stuck two fingers as deep down my throat as they could go. I flushed, turned off the faucet and grabbed my toothbrush. I saw my cheeks in the dirty mirror, burning red from the salty tears I had silently let out.

As I'm grabbed the lock on the door I saw the razor laying on the edge of the bathtub. My stomach dropped. My hand reached for the razor. I clenched my fist and threw the thing on the cold white bathroom tiles. I stood there for a while lost starring at the now broken tool. The thing that had caused me so much pain. It felt like a relief. Except that feeling was soon replaced by regret. The one thing that had kept me sane was now taken away from me. The worst part was that I was the one who did it.

I slid down the white wall and onto the icy tiles with my head buried in my hands.

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"You okay there lexi?" Patrick brings me out of the uncomfortable memory and back to the lovely meal.

I noticed tears had formed in my eyes.

"Yea. Sorry. I just got something in my eye. An eyelash or sum" I reply.

"No but Finneas that doesn't make any fucking sense!" Billie interrupt.

"Yes it does you just don't have enough brain capacity to understand it!"

"Bro you don't even know what that means. You are just as homeschooled as I am!"

A/n:

Soooo that was a little about Lexi's family.

How do we feel?

I hope you'll stick around!

1006 words

See ya! <3