Howl (BW version)

Epilogue

Win woke slowly, not wanting to rise out of the warm abyss of sleep. His muscles were completely relaxed for what felt like the first time in too long. His mind was pleasantly foggy with sleep. Somehow, he knew that to open his eyes would be a mistake: it would bring back things that his subconscious told him he'd be better off without; it would bring back pains that his body certainly didn't want.

He didn't know how long he lay there, letting himself drift before the light shining on his eyelids became annoying. He inhaled, wincing when his muscles immediately protested at the movement. The pain brought him closer to consciousness. Finally, reluctantly, he opened his eyes, squinting in the light. It took a moment before his mind could process what he was seeing. He was in a bedroom— that much he knew. The room was lavishly decorated, from what little he could see of it: dark wood paneling, rich red drapes, ornately curved furniture. The bed he lay in was impossibly soft, the white covers hovering around him like cotton balls. It was morning, he could tell from the light coming through the windows.

He lay there, absorbing his surroundings, trying to remember why he was in bed in the first place. The memories came slowly. The kidnapping. The glass shards. Belial. Crawling through shafts. Bright.

"Awake yet?"

Win jumped, hissing when pain shot through his side. Ahh, that's right. I got shot.

Careful to turn only his head, he regarded the person sitting at the bedside. "Phi."

Tay looked back at him, face emotionless. There were heavy bags beneath his eyes and he looked as if he'd lost some weight. Something flashed in his eyes.

Win felt his heart sink. He knew that look. Ignoring the pain in his side, he pushed himself upright. Tay made no move to help him, watching as Win resettled himself against the headboard.

"Do you remember what happened?"

Win nodded.

"Then I don't need to explain anything."

"Where are we?" Win asked, his voice rusty from lack of use.

Tay conjured up a glass of water, giving it to Win to drink. After the shafts, the last thing Win wanted was water but he accepted the glass anyway, taking a sip.

"I don't know." Tay's voice was cold. Win winced. "Joss brought me here blindfolded. I haven't been allowed to leave this floor since then."

Win licked his lips, unable to look at Tay. "How long have I been out?"

"A couple of days. The doctor kept you medicated."

Win drew the glass away from his lips, looking down into the vessel. "You're upset."

A moment of silence. Tay, considering whether to lie. "Yes."

Win looked up, locking gazes with Tay. "I'm sorry."

Tay said nothing, simply watching Win, gaze unwavering. The younger suddenly remembered being a child and being yelled at by a scared Tay. It would happen every time Win did something foolish, even if he didn't get injured. It had taken him too long to recognize Tay's anger for what it was—fear for Win—but when he had, he'd sworn to himself to never put Tay in that state again. Now? Now, he'd give anything for a screaming Tay.

"Are you really sorry?" Tay finally asked.

Win licked his lips. "No."

Tay's eyes narrowed. "What?" The message was clear. Choose your words carefully.

"I'm not sorry. I actually think you're overreacting. You always overreact. It wasn't as if I was going to die."

The longer Win talked, the narrower Tay's eyes became until they were mere slits across his face. "I'm...overreacting, am I?"

"Yes. Overreacting. You're my boss, not my mother."

The silence was deafening. Suddenly, Tay let out a bitter chuckle. "Overreacting. Me. Of course I'm overreacting. I mean, I'm just your employer. What right do I have to care about whether or not you're alive? Why should I even lose sleep at the thought of you being in the hands of a sadistic sicko? I should probably be happy if you die, right? It just means I can bring in someone new and pay them less to do the same half-assed job." Tay's voice slowly increased in volume as he spoke.

"As a matter of fact, since I'm only your boss, I should fire you, shouldn't I? After all, insurance is such a pain these days." He stood, not able to stay seated. "Why pay you if you're not going to come into work anyway. So, you know what Win? You're fired! DON'T show up to work because I'll I don't even want to see your shadow darken the company's doorstep. And DON'T show up to my house begging for help because, I'M JUST OVERREACTING. GO AHEAD. KILL YOURSELF. I DON'T CARE. I'LL MAKE SURE TO SEND SOME FLOWERS TO THE FUNERAL OR SOMETHING."

Tay choked, unable to say anything for a moment. His limbs shook as he stood there, tears of frustration welling up. Win watched him, face controlled.

He continued, voice lower than before. "I didn't watch you grow up. Because if I had, maybe then I'd have a reason to be upset. But no, I just walked into your life. I'm just a fucking overcaring inconvenience."

Win winced inwardly at the curse word even as he spoke. "Exactly," He agreed amicably. "By the way, if you're looking for someone to blame for my predicament, you might as well blame yourself. It's all your fault that I ended up getting shot and nearly drowning to death." Tay grew pale. "I didn't even want to take the job, but you just had to force it on me. Now look where I am."

"Yes, it's all your fault," Win continued quietly. "All your fault that I didn't accidentally kill myself when I was a kid, your fault that I didn't go crazy or commit suicide from loneliness after my parents' deaths, your fault that you took granddad's task to watch over me, your fault that I did well in school and got into the top university in the nation, your fault that I idolize someone who doesn't think money and prestige outweigh kindness and empathy, someone who taught me the value of love." Tay looked at Win, a defenseless look on his face.

"So, go ahead and blame yourself. But only for raising someone who strong enough to get shot and survive; only for making sure I'm able to stay sane after spending days with a sicko; only for raising me to be a person you'd care about. But never for forcing me to make a decision that was mine alone. "

Tay opened his mouth to say something else but nothing came out. He choked, tears running down his face. Sniffling, he wiped them away and regarded Win with red eyes. A moment of understanding passed between them.

Turning away from Win, Tay cleared his throat. "I need to use the bathroom."

Without saying anything else, he left the room, shutting the door behind himself quietly. Win watched him go, knowing that he needed some moments to collect himself. No, he thought, closing his eyes and releasing the tight grip he had on the sheets. His hands shook as he held them up before his face. He let them drop into his lap. No. We both need some time to collect ourselves.

He must have fallen asleep because when Win next opened his eyes, the room was dark and Bright was standing at the foot of the bed, studying him. He jumped. What is it with people sneaking up on the invalid?

"Tay's been crying," was all Bright said by way of greeting.

Win blinked, trying to figure out what time it was, and sighed. "He'll be fine. He's like that."

"I didn't mean because of the argument."

Win gave Bright a serious look. "I know."

The silence stretched between them.

"How is Green?" Win finally asked.

Bright stepped around the edge of the bed, moving closer to Win. "He had to be transferred to the hospital. His leg was too badly damaged for the on-call doctor to help much."

"And Belial?"

Bright's voice was flat when he spoke. "Dead."

Win let the subject drop. He couldn't remember much about the seconds leading up to his falling unconscious, but he seemed to recall there had been screaming. Lots of agonizing screaming.

He focused again on Bright. The lupin was dressed in jeans and a simple t-shirt, his feet bare. His hair was damp, as if he'd just come from the shower. Win inhaled, Bright's scent filling him. They'd both somehow made it out. A little worse for wear, but nonetheless alive. But now, they had another hurdle to pass.

"We need to talk," Bright said, breaking the quiet.

Win looked away. "I know."

"What are we to you?"

Win licked his lips. "Lovers...?"

"I had the impression we were more than that." The lupin's voice was flat.

Win shook his head. "No, just lovers. For now."

The resulting silence was deadly.

"You like me."

It wasn't a question, but Win answered anyway. "Yes."

"You desire me."

"Yes."

"We've mated with each other a couple of times."

Win blushed deeply, sensual images of them rising to the forefront of his mind. "Yes."

"I've marked you as the only partner I want for the rest of my life, marked you as the person I will grow old and die with. And yet, you're saying that we're only lovers. For now."

Win winced. "I'm not...good with things like this." Bright stared at him, waiting for him to continue. He realized how vague his statement had been. "Things like relationships," he clarified. "I'm not good with them. That's why we can only be lovers. I hate being tied down. I like not having expectations. It makes things easier in the long run. I don't have to explain why I'm gone for months at a time, don't have to check in with anyone to tell them that I'm still alive. I only have to take care of myself and, for me, that's enough."

"Bullshit."

Win flinched. Bright's gaze was piercing as he spoke.

"I can believe the part about you not being good with relationships, but all that nonsense about hating expectations and hating having someone else is complete bullshit."

Win raised his chin, gaze level, drawing on his anger to steady himself. "If it's all bullshit, then what's the truth?"

Bright regarded Win for a moment before he bent close. Win kept his eyes on Bright as his strong arms came down on either side of his head, the bed then dipped from Bright's weight as he climbed on top of the sheets, effectively caging Win in. Bright's breath washed over Win as he spoke.

"You don't hate being tied down—you want to be tied down. But you've been left alone so many times that you don't dare to trust anyone with that control over you. Because, you're afraid that if they leave you too, you won't be able come back from the pain."

"It's not that you like not having expectations, but rather that you don't want to expect more than the other is willing to give. Worse than that, you don't want the other person to realize that maybe you're not everything they expected, everything they wanted. So, you've fooled yourself into thinking you're better off without the expectations of a relationship."

"You're okay with taking care of yourself for the rest of your life but you crave the ease of knowing that you can share the burden with someone else."

"How are you so sure?" Win demanded, trying to conjure up more anger.

The lupin cocked his head and smiled sadly. "Because someone who hates everything you say you hate would not have taken a stray dog home to their apartment and let it sleep beside them at night."

Lowering his head, Bright rested his forehead against Win's. Unable to continue looking at him, Win let his eyes slide shut. Bright continued, his words a mere whisper.

"You like to pretend you're strong and you are, as long as it has nothing to do with you personally. As long as it's not about you. When it comes to you and your emotions, you're too scared to act so you deny they exist until you believe it. And when you believe it, then it's only a matter of time before the other person does too. And that's when they leave."

Gentle fingers wrapped themselves around Win's chin, tilting his face upward. Win kept his eyes tightly shut, knowing that if he opened them, there would only be Bright.

"I'm not going anywhere." The words filled Win's lungs. "Even if you continue trying to push me away, I will chase you. We're already bound together in ways that mere human emotion cannot describe. And if you try to forget this, I'll only make you remember until I'm the only thing you can see and feel."

Win felt something that he hadn't known existed relax in his chest. It had been something intangible, something no amount of effort on his part had been able to break. And yet, all it had taken was Bright's words and it disappeared, evaporating into the air.

"Do you love me?" Bright asked, the words so quiet even Win had trouble hearing them.

Opening his eyes, Win stared up at Bright's eyes, seeing the emotion in their depths, seeing the way they reflected on him.