Shattered Chains

2.0

"Being left out is like a storm without rain. It's a void that leaves you feeling empty and alone."
~ Unknown

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The night arrived, and they all left for her parents, aka for Noah and Farah's place. Amira's heart was pounding with anxiety and fear as she knew that her family despised her. As they arrived at the house, Amira's parents greeted them but not her. They all sat there, and Amira felt left out. The boys were befriended, and so were the girls, but she was not a part of all this. There would be no difference, if she hadn't been at this place.

As they all sat down for dinner, Amira's family refused to serve her or even acknowledge her presence. Amira felt small and insignificant, as if she was not even there. Her in-laws noticed this, and nobody said anything. They knew about their hateful behaviour towards Amira. They ate while Amira left for the kitchen. Their servants gave her a pitiful look. She simply took a bit of the salad, sat on the slab, and started eating. She hadn't eaten the whole day, so she was pretty hungry. Going out again, she only saw them all there. She silently decided to slip towards the garden. Amira sat there with her phone to read her new book, which she was excited about.

"I was trying so hard to find something positive in this situation, and I was coming up empty. But then he hugged me, and in that hug I felt everything. I felt the weight of his arms around me, strong and secure. I felt his breath on my neck, warm and comforting. I felt his heartbeat against my chest, steady and reassuring. And suddenly, everything felt okay. Like maybe, just maybe, we could get through this together." Reading this passage from "The Fault in our Stars" made her smile even after she was mentally and physically exhausted. She kind of admired the words. How good it would be to have a comforting hug when everything is negative all around!

And the next action completely shocked her. She felt a slap across her cheek, and her phone ripped out of her hand. Amira felt a metallic taste in her mouth. "Who the fuck are you texting with and smiling at?" Abram's words hit her badly. She was simply stunned. Why would her eldest brother assume that she's texting with someone. It kind of felt like a wakeup slap, from fiction to reality. She gulped the huge lump which just formed in her throat.

"I was reading a novel. The passage was cute so I couldn't hold back my smile." Amira looked down feeling ashamed, humiliated and guilty. Don't know what for exactly. She wasn't doing anything wrong. Abram checked the phone to see the E-Book. Nobody said anything. He gave her phone back. Amira sat there, her cheek stinging from the slap and tears pricking at her eyes. She couldn't believe her own brother had just hit her for no reason. She wondered if she would ever find a place where she could feel loved and accepted.

Amira sat there silently and others settled there too. "What were you reading?" Raiyyan asked randomly. Amira felt nervous all of a sudden. She was bad at having conversations. Perks of being an introvert. "The fault in our stars." "Ahh. Emotional book it is." Haya responded this time. Amira nodded with a smile. "Why are you not reading it as a hardcover book?" Raiyyan tried to converse again. She was shocked, thinking about this question. Is she supposed to tell that she has no money for it or make up a lie. "Amira?" Amira looked at Raiyyan and responded, "I prefer reading on my phone. It's more convenient and I can carry it with me anywhere I go." He nodded.

She got engrossed in her book again to avoid further questions. Amira felt isolated and unwelcome, but she tried her best to push those feelings aside and enjoy her book. She didn't want to let her family's negativity be on her mind. But it was harder than she thought. As she read, Amira couldn't help but feel envious of the characters in the book. They had someone to hold them, comfort them, and make everything feel okay. She wished she had someone like that in her life. Amira was trying hard to concentrate. However, it was difficult to focus on the words when her cheek was still stinging from the slap and her brother's words roaming on her mind.

Eventually, the day along with their trip ended. They all went home and for the first time Amira saw Ali at night properly, without him being drunk. Since the first day of her marriage, he was either not there or too drunk. Amira felt a pang of sadness as she looked at her husband. He sat there and was working on the laptop. That's definitely not what she expected/ wanted. As Amira sat on the bed, Ali barely even looked up from his laptop. He didn't even acknowledge her presence. Amira felt a lump form in her throat as she realized that her husband still didn't care about her. She wanted to scream, to cry, to demand answers from him, but she didn't. Instead, she silently retreated and tried to ignore the emptiness that consumed her. She turned towards her diary. Ali continued working on his laptop for hours, not once bothering to check up on Amira or ask her how her day was. Amira felt even more isolated and alone in this marriage. She knew that Ali didn't love her, but she had hoped that they could at least have a civil relationship. But now, it seemed that even that was too much to ask for.

As the night wore on, Amira found herself unable to sleep. She wasn't even sure where to sleep. Casually she slept on the couch or balcony. But this day was far more cold than the others. Would he mind her sleeping on the bed? After a long battle with her mind, she lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. Her mind was consumed with thoughts of her husband's indifference towards her. She couldn't help but wonder why he had married her in the first place if he didn't want to be with her. Amira's heart ached with longing for the kind of love she had read about in books, the kind of love where two people were meant to be together, where they couldn't bear to be apart. But she knew that was just a fantasy. Her reality was a loveless marriage, with a husband who barely even noticed her. As the night turned deeper, Amira finally succumbed to exhaustion and fell asleep. But even in her dreams, she couldn't escape the pain of her reality.

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Diary Entry - [02.09.23]

Dear Diary,

I heard girls are happy when they go back to their parent's place. Then why was my heart throbbing as if it would just jump out, leaving me on the floor lifelessly. Was it the sense of happiness? Was it what people feel when they're happy? Was I happy to be at my parent's place? Certainly not. As I stepped into the warmth of their place, the silence was deafening. Not a single inquiry about my well-being, no questions about the troubles that weigh me down. Not even an acceptance of my presence. Only a void filled with unspoken expectations. I longed for someone to break the silence, to notice the pain written on my face, but the unspoken agreement of avoidance persisted. It's strange how the absence of words can echo louder than their presence. My heart yearned for them to acknowledge the turmoil within me, to offer a comforting word or a gesture of understanding. Instead, the weight of their unspoken expectations pressed upon me, adding to the burden I carried.

I wanted to visit the room I spent 18 years in, but I didn't get the courage. The garden seemed more comfortable though. The evening took a turn for the worse when Bhai misunderstood my smile. I don't even remember the count of their slaps now. Just that it hurts terribly. The metal taste of blood is something I would probably never forget. The sting on my cheek mirrored the ache within. My tears welled up, not just from the physical pain, but from the emotional scars that had marked this evening. I felt like a criminal amid them, with everyone suspecting me.

Sitting in Ali's room now, that pain feels less. The pain of seeing Ali not even trying to care took over the physical pain. He is engrossed in his own world. The room, though physically occupied, echoed with the emptiness of emotional disconnection. The walls seemed to close in, and I found myself drowning in a sea of unspoken words, my silent cries swallowed by the void. The ache within, a symphony of loneliness, played on as I navigated the desolation of my existence.

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