Midnight Parking in Olmos Park

Chapter 9: Michael

June 3, 2014

Dear Lucas,

Dad and I went night fishing earlier. It was okay for the most part.

We just listened to the waves and focused on catching our fish, but I wasn't as lucky as him.

It's okay, though. You know how much I suck anyway.

It's funny that I never got to meet you, but you know so much about me just from looking over.

When a few of Dad's buddies met up with him on the pier, he offered them a couple of beers from the cooler in the back of his pickup.

I took it as an opportunity to come to sit out here with you for a while. Considering, I haven't done this in years.

Are you mad at me? Please, don't be... I know I can be selfish sometimes, but I just want you to understand why I haven't been back since then.

I miss you. I still wish I could have had the chance to meet you.

I'm pretty sure you know this because of how many times I've talked to God about you.

It's windy tonight, so I know you're here with me.

So, when Dad's friends came by, I took my chance to grab my journal out of my backpack and treaded my way down to the beach.

It was windy last night, too, so I'm wondering if you were there when I met that guy on the beach.

Trust me, I don't know what the hell I was doing, either.

Although, I have to admit that it did feel great to feel disconnected from reality for a minute.

I know I'm never going to have the chance to talk to you in person about the guys I like, so here's my chance to do it through this letter to your spirit.

His name is Jase, and I hope I bump into him again.

Shit, that was a little too fast. Okay, hold on...

He goes to Stanford, plays soccer, is smart but doesn't think he is, and is extremely good looking but that's not what drew me to him.

When I looked into his eyes last night, they seemed broken and lost like mine.

It reminded me of myself from all those years ago when we lost you.

It felt like I was talking to someone who understood what I was going through.

As if he experienced it himself.

I know I don't know much about him and don't think I'll ever see him again, but it makes me wonder what kind of summer I'm getting ready to embark on.

Sincerely, Michael

***

The last time I swam in the ocean was my last visit to Olmos.

I didn't think I'd want to swim tonight, since my last-minute intention was to just sit here and talk to Lucas.

But, as my feet sway in the water, it only makes me more anxious to go deeper.

I let my feet do the thinking and felt myself descending more into the depths of the cold, black water.

Most people would be scared to be in the ocean when it's dark out, but they aren't me. Unlike them, I grew up on the beach and never cared about the time of day. Especially, when Vero was with me.