TRIGGER WARNING: CUTTING/ SUICIDAL THOUGHTS
This story will be a little different from what I normally post, but I've had it in my drafts for a while now, and I wanted to test out different ways of writing. This chapter is somewhat based on me, except a few things have been added for dramatization (I do not have no kids lol). If you can relate, this is for you.
You laid in your bed, staring into space and thinking about being up there with the stars. It is where you were the happiest and a place where you could go to get away from the chaos in your life. There are times when you cry yourself to sleep, and you feel like the pain will never end. You have been dealing with depression for a few years now, and it seems like everything in your life is failing. Like you'll never be good enough for anyone or anything. Your mom had just recently passed, and your father was never really in your life. Your mom was like your best friend, and without her, you felt empty. You often find yourself comparing your life to others, and no matter how hard you work, shit just never works out for you. Really, the only thing that motivates you is your daughter. But you sometimes question whether she would be better without you.
You finally snapped out of your daydream and came back into the real world, unfortunately. Your daughter was with her father for the weekend, which gave you some time alone to gather yourself. You finally dragged yourself out of bed at around 3 pm and went to get whatever leftovers you had out of the fridge and warmed them up. After your food was warmed up, you went and sat down on your bed and scrolled on TikTok and switched between Twitter, Instagram, and Candy Crush for about 3 hours until you decided to take a nap. By the time you had awakened from your nap, you looked at the clock, and it was about 3 am.
Sleeping the day away was almost normal for you; you put in your earphones to listen to music. The song "One Wing" came on the shuffle. Halfway through the song, tears began to roll down your face. You thought of everyone who's ever hurt you, and everything that's ever gone wrong in your life. You wondered if things would ever get better and if it would make a difference if you were here or not. The pain just felt nonstop and unbearable. You hated being in this state, covering your scars so no one could see them, hiding your emotions, and putting a smile on your face knowing you were anything but happy.
You closed your eyes tightly as more tears rolled down your face, then got up and walked to the bathroom, and stared at yourself crying. It felt like you were not living your life, just existing. Every day went by, and you were in the same position. No motivation and no excitement for your future. You looked at the scissors on your sink, picked them up, and began to scrape them against your arm. Cutting yourself gave you temporary satisfaction; sometimes, you'd even black out and not realize how much damage you'd done. As you were in the restroom, there was a knock on the door that startled you. You quickly cleaned up the blood, wiped your tears, and wrapped your arm up in a towel.
You grabbed your phone and looked at the clock, saying 3:16 am, and wondered who would be knocking at your door at this time. "ONE SECOND!" You said as you made your way to the door. When you opened it, there was a tall man with locs. He had on a white turtle neck with overalls and glasses. "Um...Can I help you?" You asked, looking at him, confused. "Yeah, me and the fam having a lil get together and I wanted to see if you wanted to come through." He responded. "Oh no, I'm actually busy right now." You said, still holding the towel around your arm, but he noticed the blood. "Whoa! You okay?" He asked concernedly.
Every time someone asked you that, your usual answer was "Yes," but this time, for some reason, you said, "No." And began to cry. "Wait a minute. Hold on." He said as he ran back next door and returned with gauze to wrap your arm with. He removed the towel and began to wrap your arm with the gauze. You began to cry uncontrollably as he held you in his arms. Your tears wet his shirt. The two of you sat on the floor by the door, and he just let you cry in his arms. "Whatever you're going through, it'll pass. I promise you are worth this life that you have." He said to you. "I feel like I've seen you before." You looked up at him and stated. "My brother lives next door. I'm over here sometimes." He replied. "Oh." You said lowly. He looked at your arms and noticed more scars all over your body.
