Hers in Distress [GXG] ✔️

12 There's Nothing Holding Me Back

I woke up to her in the bathroom getting ready.
"Are we going to talk?" I ask after I am done brushing my teeth. In a brown floor-length skirt and a black long-sleeve, no bra on so I can see her nipples. 

"Talk about what? The fact that you are a murderer?"

"Why do you view me like that?" she slams her hands on the counter

"Because you murdered people, Nkoe."

"So I should have let him keep abusing my sister?"

"Call the police!"

"The South African ones? The ones who will say there are no vans? Those?"

"Nkoe, you are not justified to take a life." her eyes piercing into my soul trying to condemn me.

"Nandi, anyone who hurts the ones I love does not deserve a breath of air." she looks away, placing two fingers on her cheek, I pull back her gaze "I will never hurt you, Angel, I promise." said lowly because it hurts having to reassure her that I would ever hurt her the way the people I despise harm women.

"Did you kill Mari's husband?"

"For different reasons."

"How..."

"He abused her for years, threatened to kill her when she came back, called me a slur, multiple slurs, multiple times, had his friend try to shoot me and he shot you instead."

"Wait,"

"Yeah. There were multiple reasons, I did it but I need you to know that these men deserved to die."

"No one deserves to die, Nkoe." my forehead pressed on hers, her hands holding my biceps, I want to stay like this

"I am not saying what I did is not wrong, I am saying that these men deserved what they got and my only regret is killing my sister." she accepts defeat and submits to the hug. "I would never hurt you, okay?"

"I know." I place a kiss on her neck and look at her in the mirror while she puts lipgloss on her lips.

"I want to ruin your gloss,"

"Don't you dare," she states with a smile on her face

"I won't." my hands on her waist I want to feel her labia on my fingers "You look so sexy."

"Thank you."

"Let me get ready so we can get back early." I wish I could say that she would be okay with my actions but I wonder if she can move past it and not see me as the villain.

We drove the entire way home with the music as our only noise. I knew she was conflicted and she needed space from me so I booked a stay at a hotel near my office.

"Are you not coming inside?"

"Not tonight."

"Work?"

"Yeah." she nods before going inside. I hated that she was so conflicted, I should have never taken her there but I wanted her to see that I am serious about us.

I spend the night at the hotel before heading to my house. I have not spoken to her and if space is what she wants, I will give that to her, I just need to fetch a few things from my house.

Walking into the house, I half expected her to be cooking or watching TV but she was nowhere to be found.

The bed is made and on it sits a paper. Picking it up I notice her handwriting and the person she is addressing.

Dear Nkoe

I just need some time away from you, away from all of this to process if this is what I want considering who you are. Please give me space, time and the opportunity of making my own choice about whether I want you in my future.

Love
Nandipha Jola

Why the fuck would she write that? Space? How much more does she need? Where did she even go?

I do not even know any of her friends so I do not know who to call. I am left to twiddle my thumbs waiting for her to decide if she wants me or not.

"Lindiwe, where are you?"

"I'm at home, why?"

"Nandi left me."

"I am on my way." she came with ice cream and wine, and Harald dropped her off. "Oh baby, come here."

In her arms, I cry. I did not think it would hurt this bad but it does, almost as bad as when I found Natasha in bed with her best friend. Lindi holds me, soothing me by massaging my back.

When my tears have dried, we watch one of my favourite movies, The Man from U.N.C.L.E while eating ice cream.

"Why did she leave?"

"He told her about Itumeleng."

"Oh. Just that?"

"Yeah."

"You have a lot of secrets, your closet is overflowing and I need you to realise not everyone is going to accept all that you do."

"I know."

"You will find your person, I know you will."

"Yeah, neh." Not everyone is going to love me like Lindiwe, not everyone can be as accepting as she is and I barely know if I will ever find someone as amazing as Lindiwe that I am romantically attracted to.

Silence, "You think she will forgive me?"

"If she does, she is a fucking saint and you do not deserve her."

"I know."

"If you know then act better. You are thirty, Nkoe, not twenty one. You can't keep blaming your dad, abandoning you for your current actions."

"I know."

"Then act like it. Do not fuck up a great thing because your trauma makes you short-sighted."

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