In Denial

Softening

Inuyasha and I met in kindergarten. We were almost inseparable. We shared everything from snacks to toys, played together and even took naps together. Everything was fine till it wasn't. Things had become difficult at home when my father got laid off and mom would work late nights and long hours just to help my father make ends meet. Sometimes they fought, quietly so I wouldn't notice but I'd hear the harshness in their hushed tones through the walls of my room when they thought I was sleeping.

The school had planned a Flower festival. It was a little cute activity for us children to draw or make things with flowers and leaves and I made my best friend a flower crown. I used some vines from the side of the house and some white and blue flowers from the neighbor's garden. It took some time and multiple tries but I got it done. I thought it looked good and I knew he would like it. I wanted to show my father what I'd done. Maybe it'd cheer him up, I thought.

" Dad, look what I made for Inuyasha for the festival! It's a flower crown." I say, smiling proudly at my handy work while handing it to my father.

Nothing prepared me for him to rip it apart or the slap that followed. The force of it knocked me back, causing me to hit my head against the wall.

"What the fuck is this girlie shit you're pestering me about? Why the fuck would you make this? And for that kid? Always running your mouth about the kid. I didn't raise a fucking ******! He shouted. He grabbed my hair and pulled me along to my room, throwing me onto my bed. I curled in on myself, covering my head with my arms as I feared he would hit me again.

" If I ever hear you talk about that kid again, I'll beat some sense into you!" He shouted again before slamming the door, leaving me in total darkness. I cried myself to sleep that night as quietly as I could, hoping not to anger him again.

I didn't go to school that week, telling my mother I was sick and not feeling well with persistent headaches.

From then on, I didn't speak to Inuyasha, didn't play with him or share my toys. Didn't sleep next to him when it was nap time or even ate with him at lunch. I still remember the look on his face when I pushed him away, confusion and sadness in his eyes, not knowing what he had done to cause my wrath. I blamed him for my abuse. I thought if I hadn't made that crown for him, this wouldn't have started.

When mom wasn't around, my father would push me, slamming me into anything with a hard enough surface as he screamed at me for every little thing I did wrong or nothing at all.

Elementary school was no different but I tried harder to stay out of my father's way. I still hadn't said anything to my mother. My father's eyes held a promise worse than the abuse he was already subjecting me to so I just blamed whatever bruise she saw on my own clumsiness or roughhousing with the other kids at school. I tried to stay away from Inuyasha as well but I'd always catch him staring at me so I'd throw whatever I got my hands on at him to make him stop.

I feared when my father would pick me up and tell me to sit in the front. It was easier for him to shove and punch me against the door on our way home. He was always screaming, always shouting in my ears and it gave me terrible headaches before and after the drive to and from school.

When things got better and my father finally got a job, Mom told him she was leaving him and thankfully taking me with her. And of course, he didn't take that very well. When we moved out I told Mom about some of the things my father did and said to me. She cried with me in her arms, mumbling apologies for not being more present but I didn't blame her. She was only trying to hold our home together. It was my fault.

We had moved to a neighborhood that was closer to the school with my aunt Mirai. It was even within walking distance so if Mom couldn't pick me up, my aunt would.