Angsting Our Boy Peter

A Very Observant Girl

I was writing a very fluffy Disneyland vlog for Take 2 and the fluff was rotting my teeth, so here's some angst while I finish that.

Warnings for depression and suicide. 

 Michelle Jones had always been a very observant girl. She didn't have many friends, preferring to watch her classmates from afar and draw what she saw. She knew Amanda Clarke's boyfriend was going to dump her a week before he did. She knew Spencer Turner was gay three years before he did, and five before he told anyone. She knew Flash Thompson had it rough at home even though he never told anyone. She knew Katie Springfield could sing better than anyone she knew long before she auditioned for their eighth grade talent show. And she knew from the moment she met him that Peter Parker was going to change the world.

Michelle Jones was a very observant girl. So why had it taken her so long to realize that Peter Parker was Spider-Man?

She figured it out in the end, though, and she told him so. He tried to deny it at first, but eventually broke down and confessed. He told her Ned knew, and Mr. Stark helped him out, and May had found him out after Homecoming last year. He told her stories of Patrol, and took her swinging, and let her draw him all the time. She sat on the couch while he and Ned built Legos, and stood over Ned's shoulder while he worked as Peter's "guy in the chair." She felt her stomach lurch with panic every time Peter took too long to answer them, or told her a story of a close call, or was live on the news doing something dangerous.

Michelle Jones was a very observant girl, so why had it taken her so long to realize that she loved Peter Parker?

As always, she figured it out in the end, and just as before, she told him so. And he told her he loved her too. So they went to the movies, and facetimed all night, and had dinner at each other's houses. He bought her Black Dahlias on Valentine's Day, and she bought him his favorite candy. They cuddled on couches, and spent every spare moment in each other's company. They went on double dates with Ned and Betty, and watched cringey tv shows, and wrote each other stupid notes. She eventually even took to sitting in Tony's lab while the two boys worked, drawing the concentrated expressions on their faces.

Michelle Jones was a very observant girl, and she knew that Tony Stark was more to Peter than just a mentor. And she knew Peter was more to Tony Stark than just an intern.

So when the Avengers went to space and came back without Iron Man, she knew it would hit Peter hard. She had watched him close up on himself in first grade, when his parents died. She had watched him stop talking and eating for months when Ben followed Freshman year. This time she watched him throw himself into patrolling, getting into more and more dangerous situations that got harder and harder for him to get out of. But just as before, he came out of it stronger on the other side. He beat Mysterio. And then that jackass went and revealed his identity to the world. Peter was rejected from MIT, and all three of them were harassed by the world everywhere they went.

Michelle Jones was a very observant girl, and she knew Peter was beating himself up over things that weren't his fault.

When the news cameras followed her and Ned, making them late to school. When MIT rejected all three of them. When Flash tried to push Ned out of the way to talk to Peter, and Ned fell down the stairs and broke his arm. But he held it together, and he came out stronger and with a plan. He went to Dr. Strange, and erased the memory of him being Spider-Man from everyone. Or, tried to. Okay, maybe he fucked up a little, but he was trying to do the right thing. And when all those villains came through the portals, he worked with her and Ned, and then those two other Peters (seriously, what the fuck was going on?) to get them back where they belonged. And when the fate of the multiverse was at stake, he removed the memory of himself from the entire world. And then he found them, and her memories came back.

Michelle Jones was a very observant girl. She knew the Peter she and Ned came back to was a very different Peter than the one she'd left.

He'd lost his parents, his uncle, his father figure, and now his aunt. He'd nearly destroyed the world. He'd spent six months erased from the memories of everyone, and even though they'd returned, that had clearly taken a toll. He was quiet, and withdrawn. He didn't eat much, and he was pale all the time. Everything he did seemed half-hearted. Whether he was out as Spider-Man, or building Legos with Ned, or facetiming with her every night before bed, it never seemed like his heart was in it.

Michelle Jones was a very observant girl. When he came to her work that morning, bought his usual coffee and muffin, and talked to her while eating it, she could tell something was off. When Ned came in ten minutes later, and he and Peter talked and laughed, she could sense something different in him. When Peter stood to leave, and gave Ned their usual handshake, she knew there was something unusual about this one. He looked them in their eyes and waved, like he did every morning when he left the cafe. But something was different.

"Bye, Ned. Bye, MJ. Love you guys."

She went to his apartment the moment she got off, Ned trailing along behind her. There was something off in the atmosphere. There was something off in the air. There was something off about the apartment. There was something off about her very soul.

The door was unlocked. That was different. The apartment was silent. That was different. The lights were all off. That was different. Except for one. The bathroom light was on, the door open. That was different. Peter was in the bathtub, paler than she'd ever seen him, foam and vomit around his mouth, an empty orange bottle in his hand. That was different.

Michelle Jones was a very observant girl. So why hadn't she noticed this?