renegade / cs55

four

you're changing like the current
🎶 make up your mind by florence + the machine

CARLOS
one month later

I KNOW I'm fucked the moment my gaze finds a pair of long legs, accentuated by the slit in her long black skirt. The fabric is shiny, like silk and probably soft to the touch. A sliver of tanned skin winks at me where the material hangs low on her hips. Her white bandeau top stops just under her navel, and it's clear she isn't wearing a bra. It makes something primal shift inside of me, especially when I catch sight of the lily tattoo on the side of her ribs, showing through the material—I know it's there just as well as I know about the small butterfly on the inside of her ankle. I remember kissing it vividly, it was moments before I made her see stars in the back of my Ferrari Roma.

Inez Winters has been the subject of all my fantasies for the past month of summer break. Every night, I dreamt of her midnight-coloured hair and her honey coloured eyes. She has ruined two of my favourite past times: sleeping, because of the pitch-black darkness my mind now associated with her luscious hair wrapped around my hand, and golfing with Lando, because every time I see him all I can think about is his girlfriend's best friend.

Now, it seems she is here to ruin another, and not just any past time, but the one that pays my bills and makes my heart race to the point of combustion, just like it is doing staring at her right now. A black Chanel bag is slung gracefully over her shoulder, and a pair of matching Chanel sunglasses conceals her line of sight from my view, making it impossible for me to know if she sees me, to know whether she notices me in the crowd.

And a crowd it is. The Dutch Grand Prix paddock has always been a hustle and bustle of fans and crew, and yet I know I stand out. My scarlet red team shirt will have that effect, just like Lando's papaya hoodie sets him aside from the other people scampering around, trying to find their way to hospitality. Over the years, I've learned to find him in the mass of people, and it's the first time my gaze lands on him last. It's the first time I don't feel the urge to walk over and greet him.

That doesn't stop his gaze from landing on mine, though, and I can't help but notice the relief that floods his expression. Eleanor, wearing a stunning light blue dress beside him, slips her sunglasses onto the crown of her head the moment she spots me in the crowd, and she smiles.

The moment Inez does the same, my heart stutters in my chest. It's annoying—like a buzz of a mosquito when you're trying to sleep, where you become hyper aware of its ability to bite you at any moment and leave you itching for the rest of the night. With Inez, it's the ability Cupid has to strike my heart with an arrow at any moment in time. One look from her could have me on my knees, and by the way her brown eyes sparkle the moment she slips her sunglasses onto the top of her head, it seems she knows exactly the effect she has on me.

I'm pulled away by Lydia, one of the Ferrari media personnel, before I get the chance to walk over to Lando and the two women flanking him, and they disappear into a mass of people to the other side of the paddock. My chance to finally speak to her has slipped through my fingers, and acid burns my throat at the revelation.