Moving on - Minsung

5.

"So, how did it go? You look better, I told you it would help you. How was Hyung?" - not even a minute passed when Hyunjin rushed to the door, firing Jisung with his questions.

"Good, it was really good. I actually wanted to thank you for the idea." - Jisung averted his gaze as flashes of Minho sitting pliantly in front of him entered his mind.

"Damn, was he that good?"

Jisung didn't say anything just nodded.

"Yaahh! You are even blushing, oh lord what did he do to you?" - Hyunjin's dramatic gasp could be heard miles away from here, Jisung was sure of that.

"Can you even walk?" - Hyunjin stepped closer as if he was examining Jisung's every move, ready to point out something unfamiliar. Jisung stifled a laugh at that. Guess he didn't know Minho's rules.

"What's so funny about getting wrecked?" - hyunjin walked behind Jisung, who beelined into the living room, casually taking a seat on the sofa like Hyunjin wasn't following him with a dumbfounded look on his face.

"Nothing" - Jisung was close to bursting out laughing when he saw Hyunjin's frown deepen.

"Yah, Han Jisung! Tell me! " - he went closer, attacking Jisung with a pillow he snatched from beside him.

"I didn't bottom" - Jisung's muffled voice, due to the pillow being squished in his face, made Hyunjin halt.

"What? Did you not get to it?"

"No."

"Then what happened? Did you not want to go that far?"

"It's not that" - Jisung chuckled, but a perplexed Hyunjin just stood in front of him with hands on his hips, like a mother - "I was topping."

Seeing Hyunjin's face getting pale, was hilarious and downright offensive at the same time.

"What's that face, man? I never said I'm a bottom.."

"How.. you?? You topped-- Minho Hyung?"

"Yeah, what's so wrong with that? We both had a great time so what--"

"What the hell-- he always told me he tops, his whole demeanor screams top energy! And you too! How-"

"I don't get you--"

"No- but he told me!"

"Well, sorry to inform you but he let me fuck him so--" - Jisung stood up, now a bit irritated by Hyunjin not believing him. He could be a top if he wanted to, he could also be dominant. Maybe not always, when Minho's around but that doesn't mean anything - "I'm going to shower then go to sleep, I'll see you tomorrow.."

"Wait Ji-"

"Yeah?" - he glanced back at Hyunjin.

"Will you visit him again?"

"I guess.. maybe.." - he shrugged then closed his door behind himself.

In reality, Jisung had a hard time, literally hard time, dealing with his thoughts consumed by Minho. He was tired, yet his mind and body betrayed him once again. He took his time jerking off, then went to his bed where he dropped himself on the mattress. He thought over his day, his meeting with Minho. He consciously didn't replay the whole time he spent with Minho, as he felt like his body couldn't function anymore. Everything that had happened today was overwhelming. When Felix's face flashed through his mind, the dull ache in his chest returned. The only difference was that it was less intense. He felt somewhat relaxed. He must have been sexually frustrated... he turned to his side, staring at the white wall. He let his eyelids close as he imagined Minho's gorgeous eyes, with a lazy smile, gazing at him.

•••

A few days passed, and Jisung was busy. He was a bit lagged behind, since he spent almost two weeks getting over Felix - which was not even successful - so he immersed himself in different books, and notes, not forgetting to work on his term paper as well.

These few days turned into a week, and Han Jisung was slowly but surely growing frustrated with every hour he spent above his books without getting proper rest or food. He only stood up when he had to go to the bathroom. Even Hyunjin told him to lay back a bit, to rest because he won't be able to go a week in this state. Jisung didn't want to admit that, clearly, Hyunjin was right, but in the end, he did walk out of his room, at least to get some leftovers from the fridge.

Hyunjin saw how Jisung kept inside all his problems, so he suggested Jisung various ways to get rid of these pent-up emotions. Jisung just sat through Hyunjin's encouraging talk in silence, not really knowing what to do with this new-found knowledge. He tried writing lyrics, but when he sat down to write nothing came to his mind. That rubbed him in the wrong way as well. He didn't want to go to the gym- or more like he couldn't, because when he had time for himself, he was either exhausted, or it was way past midnight - or both. So Jisung left it at that, just falling into his bed, and burying his head into his pillow.

Hyunjin who was witnessing all this, was getting hopeless and tired. He didn't know what to suggest to Jisung anymore, because he either didn't listen or just continued overworking himself. He could see the emptiness behind his eyes as more days passed, and he dreaded to ask whether the thought of Felix was still haunting him.

Everyone tolerates things until a certain point.

Hyunjin reached that certain point on a Saturday morning when Jisung came out of his room looking like a zombie, again, with dark circles under his eyes, his hair messy and greasy, with the same clothes he had on yesterday. He swayed to the kitchen where Hyunjin was eating his berries, going to fill a glass with water.

"When did you go to sleep?"

Jisung just grumbled something incoherent. His eyes were just slightly open, still taking in the light that filtered in through the window.

"Alright.." - Hyunjin mumbled - "Can we talk when you properly wake up?"

Jisung just hummed and staggered back to his pitch-dark room. Hyunjin just sighed. It was like they were back to square one before Jisung met Felix. He was just like this, burying himself in studying. Felix was the one to pull him out of this loop, and he was successful, unlike Hyunjin. Hyunjin was altogether disappointed and betrayed by Felix when he broke up with Jisung. Felix didn't just lose his boyfriend, but Hyunjin too. He just disappeared from their life, like he was never part of theirs. Hyunjin was better at adjusting to the absence of Felix's presence, but Jisung, well, he couldn't adjust at all.

Jisung knew. He knew that this was the problem with him. Getting attached to people too quickly. And then he couldn’t process the changes that came when the person he became attached to left him behind. At the darkest times, he couldn’t help but turn to unhealthy, self-destructive ways to cope. He was no stranger to illegal substances or the blade of a razor. But he was clean. It was a long and hard task, but he did it. He won't hurt himself anymore nor make himself feel something because of the loss of Felix. He promised himself that.

He didn't know yet, that he already had another obsession. Jisung didn't realise, because he was not a thing. He was not an object or some kind of narcotic Jisung could dull the pain with.