Quite Quitting

A Goodbye in a Letter

They kept me for observation for the week after Alex and I officially broke up. I didn't react much to the news because my main focus was my health. So I ate when told to eat and drank water whenever needed. Sugar and my mother hovered around to make sure they could monitor my every move. Noel FaceTimed every hour,  sneaking away from work every chance she got. All in all, I didn't have much time to think about anything other than getting better. Although, Shawn gave me something else to think about when he visited.

On my third day in the hospital, Shawn told me about the interview for the new position.

"I told them you need a week. Used me needing you to work for me as an excuse. No one needs to know you ended up in the hospital because of a broken heart." He joked. He also mentioned that he could use some of my help, "your unwavering dedication is addicting."

"Yeah, so addicting. My last boss dangled love in front of me to keep me there for eight years." I commented, and he agreed to give me a week to rest and rethink.

The last day of my five-day stay ended with Sugar handing me a letter.

"It's from Alex," she said as she helped me pack some of the things I had accumulated at the hospital, such as clothes, hair, and skincare, and a few books I wanted to read now that I had the time.

"I don't want it," I said. I did not look at Sugar as I got out of the hospital gown and hopped into my jeans, fitting me perfectly after just five days of eating straight.

"He is leaving to go to the Philippines today," she said, placing the letter on the bed. Then she grabbed my packed bag, saying, "I'll wait for you outside.

I took a seat next to the letter and stared at it. For five days, I conscientiously tried not to think about Alex. I had decided that chapter of my life was over. Would it be okay to open it again just to read the letter? Was the letter going to have something that was going to hurt me again? Was it worth looking at right now just because I was curious?

My willpower fought with my brain as I mulled out my options. I could throw away the letter,  never to see it again, but maybe a few years later, when I was better, I would drive myself crazy trying to figure out what Alex said to me in this letter. So I crunch the letter into my palm. Or should I keep it and read it on a later day? A day when the thought of Alex is just passing through, not the all-consuming one it currently was. Or just read it now. I ended up on the other side, letting the letter's contents change my current trajectory rather than torturing myself. After reading, I would either be glad I let Alex go or regret it. There couldn't be any other options. Right? As opposed to now, where I don't quite know how I feel, and every time I tried to figure it out, I felt drained and not mentally ready to deal with it. So I reckoned it was the best to just get this done and over with.

I opened the letter—my hands shaking as I tore the sealed opening. I unfurled the letter and heard a loud clang. Something heavy had fallen out and hit the floor. Then, on my right side, I saw something shiny blink at me. I kneeled to examine it.

It was a ring. Not the one Cindy had adorned at Christmas. This ring was slightly larger and shaped like a teardrop(how ironic!!). It was also shinier—dancing and emitting all colors of a rainbow, imitating a kaleidoscope, in the fluorescent white light of my hospital room. On the inner band, there was a small engraving: Alex + Char ∞

I stared at this beautiful ring for a few seconds, unable to help but think that if things had gone right, I would have worn it on my finger. Then, holding onto the ring, I moved my attention to Alex's words.

Dear Char,

I hate that this is how I get to say goodbye to you, though if my words do make it to you, it's more than I deserve.

I've failed you as many things. As your boss. As a partner. As a friend. The worst part is I have no real excuse for it. I kept you around for eight years because that was the only way I could ensure you waited till I was ready to be with you. Not because you were a backup plan—the truth is, after the kiss on Christmas, I could never get you out of my head. Even Valerie noticed. She always said, Alex, this is the girl you'll marry.

She was almost right, except she forgot how self-destructive the Tribecc men could be. I am glad you got away before I completely derailed your life.

After the party, when I saw you fall, my world stopped. It shouldn't have happened, but it did because of how I treated you. You've always been so devoted to me, and I thought the only way I could get you to leave was if I behaved the way I did. I was not in the right mind to be with anyone; I was angry at myself and Glenn. So I was afraid that you—like you always did—would follow me till I destroyed myself, and you didn't deserve that. You're too good to let a rich spoiled brat ruin your life—more than I already did.

I don't know where to go from here, but I will give you all the power in how you want to process our time together. A few weeks back, this ring was the only thing keeping me from you, so I wanted to give it to you. You can throw it away, keep it as a reminder never to date an idiot like me again, or sell it and go on a vacation I never gave you.

I will always love you, Char, but I hope you are with someone in your corner if we ever cross paths again. Not someone who is forcing you into one.

Yours Always,
Alex

I crumbled up the letter and threw it across the floor. How dare he give up this easily? I wanted him to beg me. I wanted him to cry and stomp his feet till I took him back. If I took him back—

I tried crying because my heart felt so heavy, and I wanted something to help me lighten it, but I was unsuccessful. This was it—the end.

I looked at the ring one last time, then slipped it into my jean pocket. I walked over to the corner where the ball of paper had rolled. I picked it up, uncrumpled it, and added the letter with the ring into my pocket.