So much for a quiet weekend instead my mum has decided to take shopping because if how bad she feels. I'm glad she is supportive at least.
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I decided to bring Vic along as we are apparently best friends now. So we are wandering around town laughing while my poor mum pays for everything. I'm kind of glad she is though because I couldn't. Me and Vic then then decide on getting something to eat and my mum agrees. We walk into a noodle restaurant and take a seat. "ok guys what will it be" a waiter asks us. "hmmmmm we'll have the select please." I don't have a clue what that is but Vic seems to know so I go along with it. While we eat my mum starts to talk about the past week. Which I hoped she wouldn't, I didn't want to tell Vic any of it but my mum thinks he deserves to know. I let her talk as she basically mentions everything. "Oh my god Candice I didn't realise that was happening" Vic says. I don't see why he would have realised but whatever. "It's fine" I say quietly while shoving noodles down my throat.
We decide to go home after that Vic coming along for the ride.
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Since my dearest mother insisted he came inside, we are now sat on the floor of my bedroom looking at the albums I own. "You have a really good music taste!" Vic said he sounded genuine so I know he ment it. "Thanks I'm glad you like it" I reply, with a smile on my face that hasn't been there for years. He grins and plays on of the albums, Portals by Melanie Martinez, a recently new one. He pulls me up off the floor and we spin around dancing and giggling. Then my mum walks in and smiles "Hey kids I'm going out your friend can stay the night if he wants.Ill be back in a couple hours." I've never had a sleepover before because I never had any friends to invite and I cant count the sleepovers me and my teddy's had. "Thanks mum" I shout as she leaves.
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Around 2:00am Vic has already passed out on the floor and I'm still awake, suddenly feeling guilty that I smiled. For some reason I felt undeserving of being happy, like I'm not allowed. Then my eyes wander over to the bottom drawer on my cabinet. I know what's in there. I can't. Vic will know. Those thought come in one ear and out the other, as i've already walked over and opened it. I pick up the scissors hands shaking, feeling overwhelming guilt. I cut. Again and again untill I feel satisfied with my work. I'm not sure why it feels so good but it does. I look over at my friend who is still sound asleep making a snoring sound every once in a while. I relapsed again and I hadn't done it in days either. I sigh blood dripping from my new cuts. I decide the right thing to do is to go back to bed and pretend it never happened.
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After Vic leaves the next day I collapse into a heap on the floor. I feel like a mess, I am a mess. I'm just thankful he didn't wake up. I look up at the clock, 1:00pm. It's still pretty early on in the day, I decide it would be best to take a walk. So I go down stairs and call to my mum to tell her I'm leaving. "Be back soon you have therapy in 2 hours." Crap. I forgot I have to go there, what am I supposed to say? I'll lie. Whatever, I have 2 hours. I start to walk, I don't know where I'm going but my legs are moving. I end up at a park. Its quiet there's nobody about except a little group of people huddled in one corner. I choose to ignore them and sit down on the nearest bench. After a while I decide to head home and prepare my self for another one of those dreaded therapy sessions.
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Turns out it wasn't that bad. I finally learned the guys name, his name is Caleb. He told me to call him by his first name so I don't feel as though I'm talking to a professional but a friend. Although Caleb is definitely not my friend. He asked me questions like " how was my weekend?" or "what did I do?" I didn't tell him what happened though. I would probably feel better if I did but he would think I'm gross for cutting myself. Then he goes on about how I'm feeling and bullshit. Who cares how I'm feeling? As long as I'm not dead. By the time the hour is up I want to go home desperately. Caleb is quite boring. He gives me this book to go home with called "a guide to recovery" He said to read it and tell him about it next time. I'd rather not. I just feel like going to bed.
END OF WEEKEND
YOU ARE READING
THE LIFE OF A SCHOOL GIRL
LosoweHey this is my story about a girl named Candice, she has trouble fitting in and doesn't have any friends. This book is about expressing yourself and not keeping quiet!! I wonder will she ever find a friend or will she stay alone? Does her dream girl...
