𝐃𝐀𝐘𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 | Anakin Skywalker

eighteen

Erin sighs as she rests her head on her hand.

"So you just left?" Leia asks her.

"I was never ready so I just watched him walk away," Erin tells her, "there's not a day that I don't regret not running to him."

"Aren't you our mother?" Luke ventures to ask with a sad face.

"Oh, I'm not," Erin replies, "her mother of hers was Padme Amidala, a good woman, she was smart and compassionate, I can see it every time I look at them."

"So he married someone else," Leia says with a sigh.

"In the end, I was the one who saw him do it. Ironic," Erin adds, still setting the glass of scotch to one side of her.

"You were there?" Leia asks somewhat surprised, "at the wedding?"

"Yes, Padme invited me, she didn't know about the relationship between Anakin and me. And somehow she considered me a friend, so she invited me to her wedding" Erin tells them while scratching the tip of her nose, "I attended, but I couldn't get noticed, so I just watched from afar."

"That must have broken your heart," Leia tells her with some empathy.

"Oh no," Erin shakes her head, "I'm glad Anakin found someone, someone else to love."

"You lie" Luke tells her.

"Okay, maybe it broke my heart a little, but it didn't matter because I wasn't going to interrupt Anakin's happiness," Erin admits.

"He never stopped loving you," Leia tells her, "he wrote it in his journal."

Erin frowns, "did you read his diary?"

"Only the last part" Leia confesses somewhat embarrassed, "but it was because he made me curious"

Luke taunts Leia and the two fight a bit as Erin runs her fingers through the old journal pages.

"Maybe you should read it," Leia suggests.

Erin turns to the penultimate sheet as she reads the words written on the sheets.

The smell of her begins to disappear from the sheets, from the house. I try to inhale as much of the lavender and chocolate as I can because I know that once completely fades, it means she's really gone.

Erin held back tears once she realized this was written a week after she left him.

I always knew she was a mess, but she was My mess and I'm sorry I couldn't be what she needed.

The tear fell on the sheet staining the ink.

I've gotten a little closer to Padmé, been assigned missions that include her, and I've noticed that she's still just as fun as when we were kids.

When I look into her brown eyes all I can see are Erin's eyes.

Erin turns to the next page feeling the children's eyes burning into her.

I once heard Obi wan say that; When you fall in love with someone, you are not interested in anyone else. If you are, you are not in love.

I don't think i'm in love with Padme, but she makes me happy, she makes me laugh when I feel like I'm going to cry and she reminds me of Erin, I can see her reflection in her and I know it. It's wrong, but I want to be selfish.

Erin feels bad for Padmé, she was a good person who deserved to be loved completely and loyally.

I'm going to marry Padmé, she mentioned that she invited Erin to the secret wedding, the idea scared me, not because I didn't want to see her again but because my heart would break at that moment.

She didn't go, I guess it was for the best.

Padmé is pregnant, she couldn't be happier, it's the best time of my life.

I had visions like the ones I had when my mother died, Padme died in childbirth, I can't let that happen. I promised Erin that I would keep my family safe and I will.

Why if you decide to love me so much, did you walk away like this?

Erin closed her journal, lifting her face trying to wipe away her tears.

"I know Anakin was important to you" Luke tells her, "that's why we need your help, we need you to help us stop him"

Erin stands up as she hands the journal to Leia.

"I can't do it," Erin tells them.

"Why not?" Luke asks as he raises his voice, "you loved him, you must understand."

"Because I screwed up, because I know I could never have been in a comfortable relationship, so I resorted to something chaotic. And I'm sorry for the decision I made, all the stupid decisions, but regret isn't going to fix anything." Erin pauses as she takes a breath, "I'm not going to fight, I stopped fighting a long time ago."

"Erin, please," Leia asks, her eyes soft, "you quit once, don't make the mistake of quitting again."