Once in a Lifetime

1.

NOW

Tyres screeched on the asphalt as he pressed harder on the brakes trying to steady his car on the wet road, saving him from nearly colliding with the car in front of him that suddenly came to an abrupt halt. Rain pelted down on the windshield causing his vision to be blurred; but he wasn’t sure if that was from the rain or his tears.

‘Dammit!’ he hissed as he hit the steering wheel with his fist. The traffic was bad; how unfortunate could he be to be stuck here when this was the last place he wanted to be. He fidgeted a bit, trying to stop his tears and racing heart while at the same time he tried to navigate through the traffic. His head was spinning, but he needed to be there in one piece, or pieces. He didn’t care. He just wanted to be there.

Even if it was too late, he wanted to be there to say his goodbyes. 

His heart constricted at the thought of her leaving, forever. There were so many things that were left unsaid between them, and even though it might be a bad idea to say all of them, he wanted to try. 

He hissed for the umpteenth time that evening as he squirmed his way out of the traffic and raced for the hospital.

His mother took one last look at him when he walked through the A&E unit and saw the regret and fear written all over his teary face. Her heart went out to him. 

Oh Ya Allah! She prayed, make it easy for him and for all of us. 

He stood there, catching his breath and looking around for any familiar faces. When he spotted his mother and his sisters, he practically ran towards them.

He squatted in front of his mother and placed his hands on her knees, panting.

Her eyes were puffy and red because of the crying, but his were way worse. She placed her warm hands atop his and tried to smile at him. She failed.

‘She’ll be fine. InshaAllah’ she whispered.

He bowed his head as something lodged in his throat. His chest hurt, his eyes hurt, everything hurt. He didn’t know what to do.

He’d never been this disoriented in his life. Not even when his family fell apart and he couldn’t do anything to bring them back together. Not when he almost lost his mother to cancer. 

He was always calm when calamities befell, he’d mastered the breathing technique at a young age and was a pro at it. He knew how to act under pressure.

But right now right here, he forgot if he even had lungs in the beginning.

His sisters offered their greetings, but he couldn’t bring himself to answer them. He replied with a nod instead.

‘Come sit here Salim’ a voice said from beside his mother. He looked up and his heart hammered against his chest when their eyes met.

In the thirty years he’s known this woman, today was the first day he felt he couldn’t be around her for even a second. How can he look her in the eyes when all he’s done was bring pain and agony to her daughter?

He didn’t know how or why but when he got up, his legs automatically carried him to where she was seated.

‘Mama…’ he started but she stopped him with a shake of her head.

‘We have nothing to say to each other right now Salim. Let’s just pray for her please, okay?’

He swallowed hard and nodded his head before he perched himself on the seat beside her, leaning forward as he covered his face with his hands. As he closed his eyes in an effort to collect his thoughts and steady his breathing, images of her flashed beneath his lids. He held his breath and willed his subconscious to stop this silent torture, but it didn’t work.

Her face was all he could see at that exact moment. He could hear her laugh, her soft voice, the way she said his name whenever she wanted him to listen to her.

 He let his heart take him on a faraway journey, to the time it all began.