Love, Selena Marie

Chapter 1: Get away

You could say it was a completely impulsive decision. That cannot be denied. The truth of the matter was that I was tired. My heart was exhausted from everything, I just had to get away. No other option seemed rational to me at that moment, my body just naturally packed away two suitcases with clothes. 

Usually I was the type to think strategically about my decisions, like how many kinds of bottoms and tops to pack away for a trip. That was not the case that night. I threw whatever I could into the suitcase, by the end of it I had to sit on top of my suit case just to zip it up. Thankfully mom wasn't home, she was on a work trip and wouldn't be back for a couple days. 

If she had been home, she probably would've found a way to convince me stay and to not run away. As much as I love my mom, I'm glad she wasn't there to stop me. I found myself crying every couple minutes or so, I had to stop to take a couple breaks whenever I needed to. This is the right decision. Just do it. Time to get away.

The thoughts kept repeating in my head, I took a couple deep breaths and packed up backpack. I threw my tiny and favorite photo album into it, my old phone (which was turned off), my wallet and last but not least my diary. I contemplated if I should bring one of my old ones, to look back and read upon. As soon as I read the first diary entry of the old one, I closed it. I wasn't going to bring it, it would be stupid of me to do so. 

It would remind me too much of him, and I didn't want to think about him anymore. Not for a long, long time. 

After I finished packing everything, I brought everything to the living room. I grabbed a piece of note book paper and started to write a letter to mom. The plan was to text her once I got to where ever I was heading to. The problem was, I had no idea where I was heading to so I had to write her some kind of letter to let her know I was okay. 

Okay, looking back now I can see that I was dramatic about it all. Still, when you're going through heart break you can't help but feel like your whole world is falling apart. 

It took me a couple moments before I finally started to write down the words I wanted to tell her, I felt guilty that I was leaving with just a letter. I could only hope that she would understand, she had seen all that I had been through because of him. Still, I know my mom. 

If she were there, she would've told me that I shouldn't let some boy ruin everything. The thing was he did, it felt like he grabbed my heart and threw it on the ground to smash it into a million pieces. 

Dear Mom, 

I know what you're thinking. Where the hell did you go Selena Marie?! What in the world are you thinking?! That's the thing, I'm not. I've always been the type of person to think before doing anything, sometimes too much thinking. A lot of over thinking, honestly. 

I know you're probably furious with me, because I have my old phone off. I will call you once I get to wherever I'm meant to be, with my new phone number. Try not to worry about me so much. I know that's hard, because you always tell me 'It's part of being a mother, it's a normal parent thing to do.' And I love you for that, for always being there, taking care of me and worrying about me. 

The thing is, I am twenty years old. I've always lived life by the rules, or how I felt everything was supposed to be done. For once, I would like to something without thinking and just doing. I know that must not make sense to you, but it's something I have to do. 

I love you very very much mom. I will call you once I'm there, wherever I need to be right now. Please trust me, just like how I'm trying to trust myself and my decisions. Take care mom, I'll miss you every second. 

Love, Selena Marie

My hands were a bit shaky as I folded the note in half. On the top of it, I wrote 

To: Mom 

From: Selena Marie

I threw my back pack over my shoulder, grabbed my two suit cases and left the house. I quickly locked the door, as if someone would catch me running away. I quickly threw my bags into the back of my Ford Escape Hybrid, and got into the car. 

Before I started the car, I glanced at the house. The house I grew up in, and the house where so many memories were made. With mom, Taylor, and him. I stopped myself from crying, turned the key in the ignition and started the car. I pulled out of the drive way, and I was off. 

Goodbye Texas, see you soon California.