Love, Selena Marie

Chapter 52: Get insecure

Zayn's P.O.V

Three coworkers quit at the gym, and since then I've been doing nothing but working, working, working. I feel like it's a good thing though, because when I work I don't think as much. It keeps those terrible thoughts away, the thoughts that tell me that Selena will end up with Greg. 

I can't help but feel like me trying to work things out with her might just be pointless. I can't deny that her talking about Italy doesn't have me feeling gutted, because it does. 

I don't want her to go, I want her to stay. I can't ask that of her though, because it's a wonderful opportunity for both her and her mother to spend time. I can't ruin that for me, I won't. I want Selena to be happy, and I know she'll be coming back. Still, I think about the fact that there might be a chance that she won't. 

I mean, what if she decides to go back home with her mom to Texas. Then what about Greg, what if she decides to meet up with him. That small chance, all while it may be unlikely, terrifies me. 

Then I have to remind myself that her happiness is all that matters. If Selena is happy, then I am too. 

I've messaged her for the past three days since I haven't seen her, but I can tell she's worried about me. She's always asking me how I am and if I'm okay. 

I mean I am okay, I'm just busy with work and all. Niall thinks that I'm trying to keep myself busy because I'm actually quite gutted about Selena leaving soon. He's not wrong, but what right do I have to tell her that. It's something that she's excited about, and I have to support her. 

We've only just started this relationship anyways, so everything is fresh with the both of us. It's a pity that we can't see how this relationship will go, but Niall keeps telling me that we both need to have an actual conversation about it. He says that the last conversation didn't count, because we didn't define or fully talk about what the status of our relationship would be when she leaves. 

Is it okay for me to hope that we'd get a chance to continue our relationship when she comes back? Or would that be silly to even consider? 

"You have to tell her how you feel." Niall tells me, we're at his house playing video games. It's actually pretty late, like 11pm. I'm usually asleep by now, but I can't sleep and besides Niall is waiting for a call from Amelia. She said she would call him around 6am where she's currently at, so he needed to wait just one more hour. 

I manage to beat Niall in the game, and he groans. "I was so close!" he mumbles, I chuckle. "Anyways, did you hear what I said?" he asks, I lean back against his living room couch and sigh. "Look, you have a habit of being afraid to say what you feel and no offense to you mate but you get insecure." he states, I look at him. 

He's serious, and he looks concerned. "It completely makes sense though, with your past relationship with Gigi, she's really messed with your head." 

I nod my head, "Yeah, I try not to let that bother me. Looks like it still does, a little." I admit. 

"And that's okay, you just need to talk to her about how you feel. She won't know, unless you tell her." he states, he's getting up to grab some blankets out of the hallway closet. He didn't even ask me, but he knew that I wanted to stay the night over. 

I did that when I had a lot on my mind. Niall just knew me too well. It's not like we haven't been friends since I was fourteen years old. 

He places the blanket on the couch right next to me, and sits back down on the other couch. "There's another thing I've been thinking about." I start, 

Niall is looking at me, attentively waiting for me to finish.

"Selena and I were talking about my parents, it's got me thinking that I should try to contact them." I say, 

"That's a fantastic idea." Niall says, with a huge grin on his face. "You think so?" I ask, he nodded his head. 

"Niall, there's something you haven't been telling me?" I ask,

He looks down at his lap and crosses his hands together, and looks at the inside of his palms. 

"There is actually, your mom contacted me a little while ago." 

"What? How long ago?"

"I believe it's been almost six months now."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"She sort of told me not to tell you, she was worried you'd be upset about it." 

"That's odd." I say, and start to rub the back of my neck out of confusion. 

"Since you're thinking about contacting them, I think it's best you now know. She's just been asking how you are and she admitted to me that she misses you." 

The thought of mom being concerned for me made me elated. This whole time I had thought she was still upset. It gave me more reason to consider speaking with them. 

"How about him? Has he spoken with you about me?"

He sighs, then slowly shakes his head. 

Then the words rang in my head, words that I haven't forgotten since that one night. The night I left. 

If you dare leave right now, I will never talk to you again!

Looks like he meant it. 

- - -

Around 1 in the morning Niall finally went to sleep, while I had to be up in six hours. I was about to fall asleep when I received a text message from Selena. 

Selena: I'm not sure if you're awake, but I just wanted to say that I miss you. I know you've been busy working because of the short staffing. I just want to say that I hope I didn't upset you the last time we hung out, when we talked about your parents. I've been worried sick that I may have said or did something wrong. 

I quickly text her back, even when the message shows that she's typing up to send something else. 

You didn't upset me. In fact, you actually inspired me. You always do, and I miss you more than you know Selena. 

Selena: Good to know that I didn't upset you. If you miss me so much, why don't you see me before we go camping? 

Of course, I'd love to see you before you guys go camping. 

Selena: If only they already hired someone else, It makes me sad that you can't be there with us. 

I know, but we can make the most of it for tomorrow. Goodnight, Sweet dreams beautiful.

Selena: Sweet dreams handsome!

Niall kept telling me to just call out so I can attend the camping trip, and I've thought about it. They did say they were hiring someone new today, so there's a chance that they could cover my shift for at least one day. 

The odd part about it all is, I don't feel the need to go on the trip. Or perhaps I'm dreading it, because I think, the less time I spend with her then the easier it will be to let her go.