everything has changed ➺ charles leclerc

three - charles

— charles

I WALK OUT OF ANGELI'S ROOM and take a seat when I get to the waiting room. I'm still struggling to wrap my head around the fact that she's awake. My best friend and first love is finally awake, so why do I still feel guilty? Oh right, because I almost killed her.

I was too busy staring at her that night that I lost focus of the road. I could've seen that car coming from a mile away, but no, I was too busy staring at her. I could have prevented everything, but no, I was irresponsible and stupid. Ultimately, it's the presence of my mum beside me that brings me out of my thoughts.

"Why're you out here amor? You haven't gone to visit Angeli yet?" She asks, taking the seat next to me. "I actually just got done visiting her maman." I respond, smiling at her. "So why do you look so glum?" She asks.

I sigh before responding. "I just feel a little bit guilty I guess. You should've seen her when she was speaking about how she felt about the situation. She was broken, mum. I could've prevented all of that, but because I was stupid, I didn't." She looks at me sympathetically. "Mon amour, you have to learn to forgive yourself for that. You have been beating yourself up about it for years, thinking that you killed her. Well she's awake now is she not? Angeli is a strong girl, she's going to get through this. But if you let your emotions get the best of you, then you won't be able to help her. How can you help her if you haven't forgiven yourself? You were only eighteen mon amour, everyone makes mistakes when they're eighteen."

"Yeah, but not mistakes that cause their best friend to go into a comatose state for several years." I shoot back, immediately regretting it. "Charles" She has a warning tone in her voice. I slump my shoulders and lean on hers. "It's just hard maman. I just feel so guilty whenever I think about how I could've saved her. She pushed me out of the car to save me, when she could've easily gotten out to save herself. She shouldn't be the one suffering the consequences of my actions." She rubs my shoulder comfortingly as I speak. Overhearing our conversation, Angeli's mum, Doctor Schumacher, sits on the other side of me. She holds my hand and looks to my mum, silently asking for permission to intervene.

At my mum's nod, she speaks. "I couldn't help but overhear your conversation, and I apologize for butting in. But Charles, you know Angeli, and you know that she cares about you a lot. She's loved you and you've loved her before you both knew what love even meant. There's nothing you could do that would ever make her hate you. So please, forgive yourself. I forgave you Charles, even if you wrecked my expensive car." Amelie lightly jokes as I grimace. "Now, you need to forgive yourself. That's what she'd want Charles, trust me." I look into her eyes, sadness pouring out of my own.

"Charles, if it makes you feel better, you were the first person she asked for after she woke up. I was told that she was yelling at the attending doctor and the residents to go and find you." I lightly laugh at the revelation. Maybe I am beating myself up about everything too much. How would I be able to help her move past this if I haven't moved past it? To me, it was seven years ago. To her, it was only two days ago. Everything must be extremely confusing for her.

"Thank you, maman and Amelié. I needed that." I smile at them, bringing them both into a warm embrace. "Please, don't tell Angeli what we talked about. She doesn't need another reason to make fun of me." I roll my eyes, as the two ladies laugh. Amelié excuses herself as she is needed by a patient, and my mum decides to tag  along with her, asking for directions to Angeli's room. Once they leave, I decide to stand up and walk to my car. I'm going to get McDonald's like she told me to.

As I pull out of the McDonald's drive through and make my way back to the hospital, a call from Pierre comes through on my CarPlay. I press accept and the sound of a cheerful voice engulfs my car.